Back in February, we were invited to a wedding in Italy. A close friend of Tara's family was getting married. I travel internationally about as often as Hailey's Comet comes around, so I wasn't sure this was going to happen. But we somehow pulled it off so without further ado, here is how it all went down....
CAST OF CHARACTERS
ME: The Narrator
TARA AND TIMMY: My Wife and Son respectively (Though you all knew that)
JOAN-Tara's Mom
KERRY AND MEGAN-Tara's sisters
BRIAN-Kerry's husband
CONNOR AND FINLEY- Kerry and Brian's kids
KATIE-The bride
ANTONIO-The groom
PATTY-Katie's Mom
FRIDAY AUGUST 17- New York City
It was 20 years earlier to the day, August 17, 1998, that I last traveled across the Atlantic. That was the night that Bill Clinton came on TV and tried to explain that he didn't consider the hummer he got from Monica Lewinsky to constitute sex. I wondered as I got on the plane that night if I'd be able to read about what he said when I got to Ireland.
Would I? It was the front page of the Irish Times, you couldn't miss it.
And now, as I was embarking on my trip to Italy, I wondered how I was going to explain Captain Orange to my new Italian friends. Hopefully, it wouldn't come up much. Just getting away from all the bullshit in Washington was enough to make me eager to take this trip.
We got to JFK 3 and a half hours early, and checking in was a snap, so we went and had an overpriced lunch at the airport grille. Tara and Joan stayed at the Grille while Tim and I walked about the airport. I've said it before and I'll say it again, for as awesome as NYC is, we have the crappiest airports. JFK is only slightly better than LaGuardia. But at least JFK is trying, for example
Was it the best dump you ever took? Press a button and let them know. Hey can't fault them for trying.
Boarding the plane was a snap, considering how many people were getting on. There had to be 500 people getting on this flight. I didn't think there would be any way the plane would leave on time, but sure enough we were pulling out of the gate a few minutes past 4 PM EST.
I watched two movies on the flight. Light hearted fare.....
FLIGHT MOVIE REVIEW- Chappaquiddick
Starring: Jason Clarke, Kate Mara, Ed Helms
Ted Kennedy. Great senator, lousy date
- Denis Leary
The last movie I saw Ed Helms in where he and a bunch of his pals got wasted the night before and got in trouble was The Hangover. That was a comedy.
This was a true story.
Quick history lesson- In July 1969, Ted Kennedy had a party for former staffers of his late brother Bobby's 1968 campaign. At some point in the night, Teddy drove off with one of the staffers, a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechnie, and ended up driving off a bridge into a pond. Kennedy was able to swim to safety, but Kopechnie was unable to get out of the car. Her body was found the next day.
The movie takes us through the next few days, the spin doctors trying to figure out what to do, Kennedy's cousin Joe Gargan, (Helms) pleading with his cousin to own up to it and resign from the Senate. The Kennedy family patriarch, Joe, debiliated by a stroke and facing his last days, urging his youngest son to provide an alibi. All up against the back drop of the moon landing.
A horrible story. A well done movie
4 aces.
FLIGHT MOVIE REVIEW II-The Post
Starring Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks.
I thought I'd enjoy this movie more, being that I love newspapers, and was quite bummed I wouldn't get to read one in Italy being that I don't understand Italian. I love Tom Hanks, but I wasn't buying him as Ben Bradlee. (Jason Robards? All The President's Men? THAT was Ben Bradlee)
The movie dealt with the Washington Post's decision whether or not to publish what they had on the Pentagon Papers. Maybe my brain couldn't deal with a second historical drama, maybe I just wanted to get to my destination already. Streep and Hanks in a movie is like having Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays in the same lineup. I'll have to give this another watch one of these days.
3 aces.
Food on the flight wasn't bad. Service pretty good.
SATURDAY AUGUST 18-
FRANKFURT- The Eagle has landed. Phase one of our trip complete.
We landed in Germany and it felt like we had to walk three miles to the next gate. But we made it and are now awaiting our flight to Palermo.
I swear, we went on about 3 or 4 of those moving walkways (which always reminds me of the Jetsons-Jaaaaane!) Down one elevator, up another one, through customs, another elevator. Holy $h-t! It was quite a workout.
When we got to the gate, Joan went to ask the check in lady a question, and she shook her head and pointed to the seats. I understand why my mother in law was pissed, but I tried to explain that our bodies were saying it was midnight and that's when we get ready to party! In Germany, it was 6 AM on a Saturday morning and this poor thing was just starting her shift.
And when they announcement came that families with small children could board, the nasty check in lady asked if Timmy was with us, and allowed us to board early. What a sweetheart! I told Tim I knew there was a reason we brought him along
Of course it wasn't the plane we were getting on, but a bus to take us to the plane. I've been on shorter bus rides on the Q53. My gawd Frankfurt Airport is spread out! But hey at least we got to breathe in the German air. It smelled like jet fuel.
SATURDAY AUGUST 18-
PALERMO, SICILY- The eagle has landed part 2, we made it!
The plane ride from Frankfurt to Palermo was more cramped than the first one, but we are here. Now, its a 2 hour car ride to Cefalu.
It's a bright hot day here. Maybe there is no humidity in Cefalu, but there is plenty here. I'm ready to take a dip in the pool.
Actually the hardest part of the trip from Palermo to Cefalu was getting out of Palermo Airport's parking lot. For some reason our driver couldn't get out, and the air conditioning wasn't exactly kicking while he was trying to figure it out.
He did eventually and once we got on the road, it was smooth sailing. As we were driving on the highway, I was watching the other cars wiz by. I know it sounds stupid, but again I very rarely leave the US, so I just got a kick out of watching the folks in Italy doing their thing. Probably just doing their Saturday routines, heading to the store, to a game, to the beach. It takes you a few minutes to realize you are in another country, not another planet.
We couldn't check into our villa till 3 PM, so we had some time to kill. Fortunately, Kerry, Brian and Megan, Connor and Finley, were staying at a hotel right near the beach. It was great to see everyone.
At the hotel, I got to take a dip in the Tyrrhenian Sea. It's a part of the Mediterranean Sea.
There were parts of it that were warm and other parts that were chilly. In Rockaway, when you had that phenomenon, it usually meant one of us used the Atlantic for a urinal, but not so here (at least I hope not)
As I was swimming with Timmy, Connor and Megs, I kept looking around in disbelief that I was here. All sorts of emotions running through me. Happy to be here, loving the time Tara and Timmy. Bonding with Joan, Connor and Finley. Goofing off with Kerry, Megan and Brian.
But also missing my family back home.
Missing Becky.
All this went through my mind as I was floating in that water. I just thanked God we got there safe. It was time to head to our villa.
As we were getting into the cab that would take us to where we were staying, the cab driver who looked like Yule Brenner looked at me and said probably the only word he knew in English,
Difficult!
At first I felt sorry for him, because the street where the hotel was on was really narrow. But then I realized all the streets in Cefalu were like that and you couldn't survive as a cabbie if you couldn't drive on narrow streets.
Then we started driving up a mountain.
and up
and up
and up.
I said to Tara and Joan "At least they won't find our bodies" but then I saw our villa.
Wow!
Two stories, two patios, each with a magnificent view. For Timmy and Connor, a basketball hoop and a foozball table in the front yard. A huge couch.
It was amazing.
The girls took a ride into town, I stayed at the house with Brian and the kids.
SUNDAY AUGUST 19-CEFALU
I slept like a rock, which made sense being that I had been up the last 24 hours or so, but I guess it wasn't enough, even getting up at 11 AM, which I hadn't done since before Timmy was born. And then for breakfast, I had what amounted to a pizza bagel. Although our host, Angelo, told me that it was a bit gentler than having pizza for breakfast, it was essentially tomato sauce and cheese on bread.
A pizza bagel.
Which is probably why when I got into town with the family, I wasn't feeling so hot. Actually hot was exactly what I was feeling. Hot and sweaty. I asked Timmy and Connor if they wanted to go to the beach, just so I could cool off.
Thankfully, Brian took the boys in the water while I pulled myself together on a beach chair. Thankfully I started to get better and after some gelato, we headed back to the villa to get ready for the rehearsal dinner.
After we showered up and got dressed, we cabbed it to Cefalu train station for the bus ride to the rehearsal dinner.
The rehearsal dinner was in Tusa. It was all set up on an outside terrace. Our cab driver had told us that it didn't rain much in Sicily, "maybe 10 minutes, then it stop" he said. I thought about that as I stood out watching the clouds roll in.
It never rains in California, but girl don't they warn ya? It pours, man it pours-Albert Hammond
I got to meet Antonio and his family. His dad was awesome, about a foot shorter than me. "Welcome welcome he said then gave me a double peck on the cheek! Antonio was horrified "No father! he yelled.. "In America.... and then I'm assuming he explained in Italian that we dudes don't usually greet each other that way. But I didn't care. "I'm in his country now, if that's how it's done, so be it. I said. Besides, if he's paying for dinner, he can do whatever he wants to me." fortunately, only Brian heard that last part, so we had a good laugh.
The rain started and it kept going so the party moved inside. When the thunder clapped it was loud, and the lightning was super bright. I figured it was because we were up in the mountains.
The food was really good as you might expect. Apps, pasta, dinner, and dessert. I didn't eat as much as I normally would because I was still a bit under the weather, but I drank like a gallon of water at this thing, and by the time it was over, I felt like a new man.
And at the end, Antonio's father got up and gave a speech mostly in Italian, except at the end when he shouted "I am for team U.S.A!"
God, I love that guy. I could just kiss him!
MONDAY AUGUST 20-CEFALU and TUSA, ITALY
One of the things I promised myself when I got to Italy was that I was going to get myself a haircut and a shave. How often we look for a good Italian barber in NY, what better place to find one than in Italy?
But of course it was Monday, the international day off for barbers. So I was off to this wedding shaggy style.
Everyone else looked smashing, all the ladies, and the kids. Once again we cabbed in to Cefalu train station and boarded the party bus.
The bus ride to the church was cool. Well, let me edit that, the bus ride to the base of the mountain where the church was located was cool.
Then we got to the mountain. And we started going up.
and up
and up
and up
and up
I didn't think it was possible to have a church on a mountain this high up. But there was a whole town when we finally stopped climbing. Well, again that's a bit misleading. The bus let us off, but we still had some climbing to do... on foot.
As we were climbing up this hill, Antonio and his family drove by honking their horns. The whole town cheered as they drove by. That was awesome.
Now to describe the church? Old.
I mean it was nice, but I guess my expectation was that an old church in Italy would have take your breath away artwork. And maybe it did? Maybe I just didn't appreciate it. Maybe I was more annoyed that the kneelers had no padding, and the pews were too close together, and where the hell was the priest?
Yeah you read that right, the priest was late. Usually it's the other way around right?
The Mass, interestingly enough being that we were in Italy was almost entirely in Italian. The only exception being the second reading, brilliantly read by Kerry. The priest's sermon might have been the greatest speech since the Gettysburg Address but I couldn't tell you because I couldn't understand word one of it. What I can tell you was that it was long.
The whole Mass took two hours and even I cried uncle at the end. I took Timmy out for potato chips and soda.
Then it was back on the bus to the castle for the reception. The most amazing thing about these bus drivers is that they are able to make the perfect turns and maneuvers on the narrowest of roads. I couldn't make those sharp turns in a Ford Focus, never mind a 100 passenger bus. But these guys did it, God love 'em.
The reception at the castle was a blast. The band they had was awesome. They did songs in Italian and English. They did Kate and Antonio's wedding song, Perfect by Ed Sheehan, both in English and Italian. It's not a song on my playlist, but it really is the ultimate wedding song. And the band played in perfectly.
The grounds where the reception was held were magnificent, right on the water. But back where the band was because of the crowd it was very warm. Finley and I danced to a song we always sing together, Can't Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake. (I always sing Got this Feeling in my...... and she finishes by yelling BODY!) Needless to say I was a sweatbox after that, so I went to the bathroom and started tossing water on my face. When I looked in the mirror, there were two dudes behind me, and one of them said "AH mucho caldor!" I said to him, "If that means very warm, than si', mucho caldor" We all got a kick out of that.
The party went well past midnight and concluded with a really nice dessert selection, gelato, pastry etc. We got back on the bus and headed back to our villa. A fun time had by all.
Next Week: Two days in Cefalu.
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