Weekly Mail's 200th Blog Post November 3, 2019

Hello Everyone!

This is our 200 blog post to Facebook since we re-launched weekly Mail on September 12, 2015. Like the folks who tried and failed to plan Woodstock 50 this past summer, I had plenty of time to come up with ideas for this special and I drew a big fat blank. 

So I decided to go through some of the old posts and put up some of my favorites lines and stories. 

I avoided the specials and obituaries I wrote, as I want this to be a happy look back. You'll see how I changed my tune politically and you'll see some fearless predictions that I should have feared. It's long, so you may want to read it in a couple of sittings. Plus I kind of ran out of steam and didn't bother going into 2019 too much. As I said, I could have done this much better. Maybe for number 300 in a couple of years, we'll come up with something better.

For now, enjoy the look back over the past 4 years. 



My defense? I never thought he'd win. (Part one)


There are a lot of things that I like about Donald Trump and his run for the Republican Nomination. He's self made, so he's not beholden to special interests to raise money, He's also not beholden to the party line, as his plan to raise taxes on the wealthy have his fellow Repulicans breaking out in hives, and although I realize he has had his share of business failures, he's also had some very huge successes.  (From our relaunch- September 12, 2015.


I still have those moments when I can't believe I'm a married father 

Saturday morning was Timmy's first soccer game of the season. Back in the days when I was whiling away the hours at Donovan's or Shelley's or the Irish Circle, even in those rare moments in which I thought there was a remote chance that I may one day become a father, I never thought I'd be a Long Island Soccer dad.I mean, growing up in Woodside, playing CYO ball, it was strictly baseball and basketball. Soccer in Woodside, was unheard of.

        A soccer dad? Never in a million years. A soccer coach? I'd have laughed you off the bar stool if you laid that one one me those many years ago. As John Lennon once wrote. "Life is what happens to you  while your busy making other plans." Ain't that the truth. (September 19, 2015)

This is regarding some idiot that sued her nephew after he knocked her over while giving her a hug. And you thought stupid shit like this only happened since Trump took over...

 I'm probably a bit raw on this because I am the lucky uncle of three beautiful nieces and one prince of a nephew. The thought of taking them to court would never cross my mind in a million years, I wouldn't give a spit if they knocked me over to give me a hug. Shoot, I'm just happy when they give me a hug without looking like they're about to record a hostage tape. Not to mention that the a$$-whupping I would get from my parents and in-laws would be far worse than any damage I would have sustained at the hands of my nieces and nephew. (October 18, 2015)



The Sunday homily-given by a 7 year old Timmy

"So this guy came up to Jesus and said "What do I have to do?" And Jesus said "You have to get rid of all your toys and all your stuff, or if you want, bring all your stuff to me, and I'll make sure that it goes to the poor. So the guy said he would do it, but he lied. HE LIED TO JESUS, because he didn't give any of his stuff away. I mean, who lies to Jesus? " October 25, 2015




Just as long as he doesn't become Denis Rodman. BTW? He's calmed down quite a bit since then. Damn! 

 So in the "irony is so ironic" department, I was a failure at sports because I was too passive, and my kid had to ride the pine because he's too rough. Maybe I have to get him into basketball. That way he can use his skills as an enforcer to get to the pros. Hey, everyone wants their kids to be Michael Jordan, someone has to be Bill Laimbeer, right? November 8, 2015



Predictions gone Wrong Part One 

 I have come to the conclusion that the Jets will most likely end up with anywhere from,a 7-9 record to a 9-7 record, but you can take THIS to the bank... the games they will lose will be the games I really want them to win. Yes, wins against the Browns, Jags, Redskins, Colts and especially the Dolphins are nice, but so far they have lost to the Eagles (who they have never beaten in the regular season despite playing them every year in the preseason) the Patriots (led by lying lowlifes Bill Belichick and Tom Brady) and now the Bills, so we can all read about how Rex Ryan stuck it to his old team. They play the Giants on December 6th, so get ready to lose that one and hear about how the classy Giants have won 4 Super Bowls since the Jets last won theirs in 1969. November 15, 2015

NOTE-They beat the Giants and went 10-6. They needed to go 11-5 and beat Rex Ryan to make the playoffs. 

You want the bird? Go in the alley and eat the bird. or Anytime I get to quote from Rocky I..

Eujin Jayla Kim, the principal of PS 169 in Sunset Park, banned any mention of Thanksgiving, Christmas or Santa Claus, and worst of all, the Pledge of Allegiance.  Now, you don't want to offend non Christians by not mentioning Christmas or Santa? I don't like it, but I can maybe see that. If you are one of those people who feel bad about what happened to the Indians 500 years ago and you don't want to celebrate Thanksgivng, I think you need to get a life, but I'll kind of sort of (but not really) respect your point of view. As the noted philosopher Rocky Balboa once said, "You call it Thanksgiving, I call it Thursday". November 29, 2015



The Jets-The More Things Change....

The other thing that annoys me about the Jets is that every time they switch regimes, the virtues of the new guy in contrast to the old guy is hyped up. For instance, when Herm Edwards took over for Al Groh, Edwards was praised for running a loose, fun team. When Herm got canned after going 4-12, they brought in Eric Mangini, who was praised for being a disciplinarian. When Man-genius  missed the playoffs a couple of times, in came Rex Ryan and we had fun fun fun till daddy took the T-Bird away. Now Todd Bowles is here and the discipline and class is back and blah blah blah.

I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear it. Win the f-cking Super Bowl, then tell me how great the coach is. Till then spare me. January 10 2016



If Trump had kept at least one of these promises... Also, I never thought he'd get elected

That leaves us with Donald Trump, Marco Rubio and John Kasich. Look, I realize many of you can't stand Trump. Some of you are reading this and wondering why I haven't put him in the above paragraph, weeding out the riff-raff. I've had more than one friend say they'd flee the country if he became President. Well, to be honest, and as I've said before, there are things about him that I like. I like that he wants to strengthen our military and take care of our veterans. I like that he wants to secure our borders and fix immigration. I love that he wants to promote American products and get us back to being the most productive nation on earth. February 1, 2016




Timmy breaks it down

I had one of those proud parent moments today. They had a Mass for Timmy's CCD class today, and the priest had the kids come up for the homily. He asked them about Lent, and some of the kids gave their answers. But then the priest said "Hey this guy here knows his stuff. Here , take the mike and tell us about it." I thought for a minute he was talking to Timmy and sure as $h-t, there he was taking the microphone and said "Jesus met the devil in the desert and said to him I don't have to prove to you that I'm God's son. Go away!" The priest told Timmy he did a great job and his teachers are obviously very good. That led to his CCD teacher giving him a big hug at the post Mass coffee hour.
These are the days that being a parent is awesome. The first thing Tim said to me when we left church was " I got a bit of stage fright." I dont know where he comes up with this stuff folks, but he does. February 8, 2016





Weekly Mail Interactive- Vote on the time I was most furious

1) November 2, 2015- The Mets, leading by one run in the top of the 9th inning with one out and a runner on third, induce the Royals into a ground ball to third that should have ended the game when the Royals tried to score from third. But Lucas Duda, threw the ball away, the Royals scored the tying run, then won the World Series in the 12th. After swearing I wouldn't go bat$h-t crazy if they lost, I went bat$h-t crazy.

2) May 29, 2015- The Rangers, having won the President's trophy as the NHL's best regular season team, are in a  scoreless tie going into the third period of Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals AT HOME against the Tampa Bay Lightning. Henrik Lundqvist did everything but stand on his head, but he lets in 2 measly goals. That's two more measly goals than my allegedly high powered Rangers managed. For the second time in the series, they were shut out AT HOME. The team with the best record in the league, didn't make even make it to the Finals. That one burned me so much, I ended up in the hospital three nights later.

3) February 2, 2015- The Seahawks, trailing the Patriots by 4 with 26 seconds left in Super Bowl XLIX, and the ball on the Patriots 1 yard line, elect to throw a pass, instead of handing the ball off to pro bowl fullback Marshawn Lynch. The pass is picked off and the Patriots win the Super Bowl.
That's not what made me furious.
That took place the next day, when I found out that had Seahawks coach Pete Carroll run the ball into the end zone as any Pop Warner football coach would have done, I would have won the $350.00 Super Bowl pool I was in. Instead I got squat, and the privilege of hearing the Giants fans among me saying that Eli Manning was the only QB capable of beating Tom Brady in a Super Bowl. 

March 13, 2016

Editors Note: Number 1 was the winner. 4 of you voted and 2 voted for number 1 

Classic Headlines 

News Item: We had my eighth birthday at Burger King:

       

One of the cool things about being a parent is seeing all the creative ways one can celebrate a child's birthday. I've been to a bunch of birthdays at Bounce U in Oceanside, (including Timmy's 4th) I've been to bowling parties, (including Timmy's 7th) I've been to more Frozen parties than I care to admit, a couple of movie parties and in a couple of weeks, Timmy's going to a pool party at Saf-T-Rob (er Swim)
      One party I will not be attending with Timmy is one in which a stripper is hired for the festivities. Nor will Tara and I be hiring one for Timmy's next shindig.  Now you may ask, what kind of a moron would do such a dastardly deed?
       Well according to The Daily Star, a woman in Tampa FL, hired a stripper to shake her money maker at her kid's 8th birthday party. Video of the incident was available on line, and showed the kids tossing dollar bills at the dancer and the birthday boy slapping the dancer's bottom. Can you imagine? Even Donald Trump wouldn't be that crass.
          If it was socially acceptable to have strippers perform for kiddies, they could have done it at my grammar school. After all, there was a jiggle joint right around the corner from St. Mary's They could have come over for lunch, and been back in time for their next show. As George Carlin once said, "These are the ideas that kept me from getting in to the really good schools." April 3, 2016

The week previous in Oceanside, a retired cop accidentally shot his friend in the foot (the friend was a podiatrist) and some 70 year old nut threatened cops with a sword because he parked his plane in his driveway. I made the following observation...

Before all this, the biggest story I remember here in Oceanside was that time we had that mutt who was selling hot dogs from a truck, and then flashing her boobs at the customers. She was arrested for indecent exposure. She should have been arrested for ruining two of my favorite things. (hot dogs and boobs-not necessarily in that order)
She would have had to sell me a quart of tequila with my hot dogs for me to want to view her assets. Lawd was she disgusting! may 1 2016





The Big Stink

NEWS ITEM: The (F)Art of the Deal.

US NEWS and World Report, as well as my beloved New York Post, reported this week that a group of disgruntled Bernie Sanders supporters are planning to ply delegates with franks and beans the night that presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton gives her acceptance speech in the hopes that they will all simultaneously cut the cheese during her speech and the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.-July 17, 2016


BTW: This place never became an Italian joint. It went back to being an Irish bar (with no food) then when El Mariachi closed down in RVC, it became lil Mariachi. Now it's once again an Irish bar. 

We decide to order drinks and mull it over. A wine for Tara, a Sprite for Tim-Tim, and water for me. "You want to see if they can make a meatball hero?' Tara asks. So when the guy comes back, I ask if can make us meatball heroes. "I no hava da meatballs" He says, before repeating You can havea the chicken parmigiana over pasta, the eggaplant parmigiana over pasta, or the veal parmigiana over pasta."

I wanted to scream at this guy from the top of my lungs..."What the f-ck kind of Italian place doesn't have meatballs?".... . It reminded me of the famous John Belushi skit from SNL, when the poor guy is trying to order something and Belushi keeps yelling "Cheeseburger!"The irony being that a cheeseburger is exactly what I was there for.

 Ever the diplomat, Tara just orders two chicken parms over ziti, of which we will each share some with Timmy (Who for the record, didn't want to come here in the first place) August 7, 2016


Predictions gone wrong Part 2

I figured that the Mets would have to win 20 of their 29 games in August to secure a playoff spot. After Saturday night's win, their record for August is 4-8. Is it conceivable they could get their injured guys back, and maybe Syndergaard and Matz figure it out and they go on a run. I guess. And of course , that's how I'm going to root. But it's hard to see it happening. As a former Met manager once observed, It's getting late awfully early. August 14, 2016


I apologize if I offended Italians here, but I had it lawyered by an Italian lawyer so...


A mattress store in San Antonio ran an add in which a woman with multiple chins was standing in front of two stacks of mattresses. Two other dicks were behind her as she started in about the store's 9/11 sale. In her excitement over the sale, she knocks to the two guys into the mattress stacks. The yell as they fall and she screams and starts running only to stop and say quietly, Never Forget.

THIS JUST IN- The owner of the store, Mike Bonanno, has announced that the mattress store has closed indefinitely and will take "accountability actions." I don't know about San Antonio, but here in NY, if someone named Bonanno is looking to take "accountability actions", it usually means someone is about to take a dirt nap. September 10, 2016


And to think this guy actually thought he could be President....

Saturday night, Mayor DeBlasio said that while the device that exploded in Chelsea was set intentionally, there was no reason to believe it was terrorism.

Huh?          September 18, 2016


Bob Schiffer summing up the 2nd debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

"How have we come to this? This is supposed to be a campaign for the most powerful office in the land...... I mean this is what they do in banana republics. This is the United States of America. People keep asking me have I've ever seen anything like this and I keep saying no. And I just hope to God, I don't see another campaign like this one. America can do better than what we have seen here tonight. This was just disgraceful. "October 9, 2016
Hate to tell you Bob, it's going to get a lot worse




You see Ray? I was even saying this 3 years ago. I'm consistent if nothing else. 

I hate the Nationals. I feel bad for the folks in Montreal who lost their team, I resent the fact that a city who couldn't support a team twice before was given a third shot.October 16, 2016



Predictions gone wrong Part 3 -This one was a doooozy

Everyone is freaking out because the overall polls are in a dead heat. Of course that means squat. The bottom line is there are about 11 toss up states and Trump needs to win just about all of them.

He won't. 

Weekly Mail predicts Hillary will waltz to victory. 311-227. November 6, 2016

Who goes there for the food? 

In a week where we all could have used a few glasses of personality, McSorley's Old Ale House, a Greenwich Village Haunt founded in 1854, was shut down by the DOH.  The health concerns that were raised include "Rats, food held at the wrong temperature, and conditions conducive to "vermin and pest activity" Sounds gross.

But in defense of the joint, what do you expect of a place that's been around since before the Civil War started? Now that they gentrified downtown, the rats need a place to go.And who goes there to eat? That place is a pure booze bar, and the idea is to get nice and drunk on those pale and dark beers, then maybe you won't notice the rats and mice. November 13, 2016

WHAT A DRAG IT IS GETTING OLD:

So sang Mick Jagger on the Rolling Stones classic 1966 hit Mother's Little Helper. For most of us, maybe it is, but Jagger, in his own strange way is trying to defy the laws of time.

This week, he became a father for the 8th time. Having 8 kids is unusual enough, but having 8 spread out over 46 years is entire different story all together. And having one at 73 years of age is just plain strange. Maybe it's not politically correct to say so, but it just is.

Bottom line here is that Mick Jagger now has a son who is younger than his great granddaughter. Let that roll around in your head for a little while. December 11, 2016

I had a beef with Mr. Zulu from Star Trek. In my defense, that commercial came on like 20 times 

Oh, and one more thing... I was at my in-laws house watching the pregame show and that Pizza Hut Commercial with George Takei kept coming on. Note to Mr. Takei: I somehow made it through the 70's, 80's and 90's without hearing from you, now you clog up my Facebook feed, in addition to that annoying Pizza Hut commercial. Please boldly go back to where no man has gone before and leave me alone. February 5, 2017



A year later, he ordered a cheeseburger in Sicily 

To complete the Postie experience, I took Tim to Langan's for lunch. This is what we call a work in progress. Our man went to an Irish pub and ordered a pizza. An Irish pub in Manhattan and ordered a pizza. Like I said, we're working on it. March 5, 2017


OUT AND PROUD: Barry Manilow!!! Also the night I confessed I was a fan of his 

      Several news outlets the other day took a few minutes out of their Donald Trump coverage to report that the great Barry Manilow was singing to the world that he's gay and has been in a relationship with his manager Gary Keif for several years. He said that he kept his sexuality a secret all this time because he didn't want to disappoint his fans.

      I don't mean to make light of this, but if even an idiot like me could figure out that Manilow was gay, I'm sure most of the intelligent world had it figured out as well.

       And while I understand that for non famous people, the idea of revealing your sexuality could be difficult depending on your upbringing, the one area of society where nobody truly gives a $h-t who you are sleeping with is show business. I mean, did Barry Manilow really think he was going to lose one single fan because he came out? Sorry folks, I'm not buying it.

        Shoot, I can relate to the time I first came out.....as a Barry Manilow fan! It was dangerous times for me to do so. It was right around this time of year, my senior year of high school. Patti-Ann and Joann were trying to set up friends of theirs with each other. The girl was friends with PA and the guy, was friends with Joann (and with me as well). I don't know how it came up, but Patti-Ann's friend asked if anyone besides her liked Barry Manilow. I said that one of my favorite songs when I was little was Copacabana. Everyone in the car (and there were like 8 of us squeezed into a 5 passenger car) laughed at me. I didn't care. And this was before we all started going out and drinking. Dancing to Copacabana at a bar with half a load on is what makes life worth living.

But I like a lot of his stuff. Daybreak, It's a Miracle, his version of Let's Hang On (originally done by the Four Seasons) hell, even Mandy and I Write the Songs (a song he didn't write BTW) are good.

I'm glad he got this off his chest. I'm sorry he felt he had to wait. I still have no clue as to why this was news. April 9, 2017


I don't usually do teacher sleeps with student stories, but this one was crae crae

A former high school football player testified in a Louisiana courtroom that he not only kicked it to TWO teachers, he had them in a menage-a-trois!

When the now 19 year old student was 16, he began an affair with his English teacher, Shelly Dufresne. After their first roll in the hay, she set up a FB account under the name Madison Mexicano, (which overtakes Carlos Danger as the funniest fake name for sex I've heard) Dufresne chose the name because she thought the kid was Mexican. In fact, he testified that he resented the fact that she called him Mexican because he is in fact half Colombian.

But it didn't bother him enough to end the affair.

In fact they ramped things up by bringing in another English teacher, 26 year old Rachel Respess, for a threesome.

The whole thing began to go south when the dumb a$$ football star took some photos to show off to his teammates. It didn't take long for the word to get to the school's administration and the cops made the arrests in October, 2014.

The defense has tried to get the former student prosecuted for taking pictures of the teachers while they slept and have said that the sex couldn't have taken  place because the teen "couldn't get an erection."

One would think that if that last part was going to be these gal's defense, they'd better be prepared to go up the river. (He was found not guilty). April 30, 2017


Reminiscing about grammar school

On line this week, a few of my St. Mary's classmates were discussing our 5th Grade trip to Philadelphia. Of course as it usually happens many funny stories came up and a few horror stories. As Keri DeAngelo pointed out,

"We went to school under a trestle, a block from a strip club and a no tell-motel/homeless shelter. We never needed street cred!

So you think one of us geniuses would have come up with this idea 35 years or so ago...

Ava Bell, an 11 year old girl from Glasgow, Scotland suggested on a student feedback form that her teacher violated the Geneva Convention by collectively punishing the class for one person's misbehavior. According to the BBC Online....

Asked what her teacher could do better, Ava Bell wrote: "Not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 Genva [sic] Conventions it is a war crime."

That's right folks, little Ava essentially called her teacher a war criminal.
St. Mary's was the capital of collective punishment. June 11, 2017


Gettin Jiggy with it

VOYEURISM- Hot Sheets Hotel Downtown

A housing complex on the Lower East Side last week complained that patrons of the new hotel across the street, the Public House, are putting on shows you would normally catch at the local brothel.

Several residents claimed that guests are doing the wild thing in plain view of the outside world. According to DNA Info.com, the hotel has floor to ceiling windows and getting it on in those windows is not only allowed but encouraged by the hotel administrators.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but if I were younger and single, I'd move to that housing complex in a minute. You get to live in the city, for a reasonable price and you don't have to pay for HBO or Skinemax.

It calls to mind when the SkyDome first opened in Toronto, and a couple was caught having sex during a Blue Jays game. Many people suggested that they rename the SkyDome the same name of the previous place the Blue Jays played.

Exhibition Stadium.
August 6, 2017



More Proud Parenting Moments

We got Tim a bike for his birthday. He had one several years ago with training wheels on it that he outgrew. He didn't really express any desire to learn to ride again till recently.

So we got him a fairly large bike with no training wheels. And it was up to me to get him riding. We practiced a bit near Tara's parent's house, but that was a struggle. So I took him last weekend to Oceanside Park, where there was some grassy areas, hoping he'd be less afraid to fall if he had a softer landing. He started to get it, but I noticed that he was pushing hard on the pedals and not gaining much speed in the grass. So I moved him back to the concrete sidewalk in the park. And bam! He was off and riding.He gets the overwhelming majority of the credit, but I'm putting this one in the W column for me too.


And Proud Neighbor Moments

On September 8, a 14 year girl here in Oceanside was hit by a car and was very seriously injured.

She has a long road ahead for recovery, but because we have such awesome people in this town, the road may be somewhat easier.

Looms for Lara, was started by our friends the McNeils. Timmy's friend Vanessa McNeil led a group of kids in making and selling bracelets and lemonade, with all proceeds going to help Lara. If ever the news gets you down, think of kids like these and know our future is in very good hands.


Timmy went bowling with his friends Melanie and Leah while I stayed home and watched the Jets a) lose to the Patriots because they were b) screwed by the refs

When our friends dropped Timmy off after his play date, the dad asked me how the Jets did, I told him not to read my Facebook page with all the F bombs I dropped, he might not let his daughter near Timmy or his psycho father again. October 15, 2017

I've made a lot of screw ups as a dad, this was not one of them

I signed Timmy up for the Cub Scouts.

The den leader of Timmy's pack is one of my JPaul's drinking buddies, so Timmy said he wanted to give it a shot and so far it's been awesome. This last meeting he used a pocketknife to make a wooden boat that he got to race on Saturday afternoon. He won a couple of races but didn't qualify for the finals. He was bummed (he takes losses only slightly better than I do) but he still had a blast.

October 22, 2017

Fun on the airlines 

A 48 year old woman and a 28 year old man were arrested and received citations after they were caught, well, I'm trying to put this in a way that I don't get in trouble.. aw the hell with it, the 48 year old was blowing the 28 year old.

The in flight hummer took place on a Los Angeles to Detroit Delta flight on October 29. Officials say the two were total strangers before the flight. So I guess that's one way to make friends.

November, 2017


First I said this...

For one thing, NBC's coverage is a joke. First of all, I don't get it with Matt Lauer. He's not particularly handsome or funny or much of anything, yet he's like the highest paid person on TV. I literally sit there and say to myself, "I could do what he does, and do it for a lot less money." And trust me, I'm not so arrogant as to think I can do any job on TV better, but his I could definitely do.


And then, this happened....

Someone at NBC must have been listening to me, because just a mere 3 days after I posted the above words, Today show host Matt Lauer was given the boot by the network. The fact that he was not only untalented but also a perverted creep to boot made his ascent to the top of the TV world even more baffling than it already was.



The End of the World ? 

OK, so we don't know when it's going to happen, but after this week, and at the risk of annoying my Lord and Savior, I think we have a pretty good idea of how.  
Hawaii governor David Ige confessed last week that the reason he waited 17 minutes to alert his constituency that the nuclear missile headed towards his state was nonexistent was that he forgot his Twitter password.
According to CNN, Governor Ige knew within two minutes that the alert sent out was a false alarm but he was unable to tweet out the correction.

"I have to confess that I don't know my Twitter account login and passwords... I will be putting that on my phone." Ige told reporters last Monday.

And there it is folks. THAT's how the end of the world is going to happen. Somebody, somewhere is going to forget their password and the end will be upon us. Mark my words and take it to the bank. (Though it will obviously be too late to collect).

January 2018

Predictions gone Wrong Part 4 

Several outlets have reported that the Jets are most interested in Baker Mayfield, which is fine, except I don't really think they needed to move up to get him. Sam Darnold is probably headed to Cleveland, the Giants will probably take the running back, the Colts with Andrew Luck don't need a QB, Cleveland at 4 wouldn't take a second QB, and the Broncos will probably take Allen, since he's a big armed QB like the man who will draft him, John Elway was. So at 6, they would have their choice of Rosen, Mayfield or Jackson. And again, I have absolutely no doubt that the Colts are going to use one of the picks the Jets traded to them to draft a Hall of Famer. Y'all read that here first.

April 2018



Mickey Callaway got fired last month (Part One)

When I was a kid and would be playing baseball (or some variation of it) on the beach in Rockaway, every once in a while someone would try to bat out of order. Someone on the other team would yell out "Hey, no CBO's!"

As I was heading out of my office on Wednesday for lunch, I got an ESPN alert that read:
"Mets bat out of order in the first inning vs Reds to end potential rally."

And I really thought someone was playing a joke on me. I thought "How on earth could that even happen in a Major League baseball game?" I don't even remember that happening while playing CYO, where the only place the lineup was kept was the book. There wasn't a billion dollar scoreboard in center field telling you who was up, what their slash line was and if they preferred David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar.

It wasn't until I turned the radio on and got the explanation from Howie Rose and Josh Lewin that manager Mickey Calloway had written out two lineup cards and submitted the wrong one that it started to make sense. But even still wrapping my head around this one was tough. May 2018

My Book review of Keith Hernandez autobiography

My only real beef with the book is that he gets as far as the 1980 season, which is three years prior to his being traded to the Mets. But the stories he does tell are captivating. I won't give anything away here, but I will offer this bit of friendly advice.. If you are planning on having sex with Mr. Hernandez, I would strongly recommend you bring protection and that your immunizations are up to date. (jus sayin)


My $0.02

For the record:

I think they should have served Sarah Sanders at the Red Hen.

I also think they should have baked the cake for those two dudes who were getting married.

I also think Joe Biden should have been able to get cookies at that bakery in Virginia.

I understand that you want to make a statement, but I'm not sure turning people away is the answer.

If I was a business owner, I'd try to avoid serving skinheads, white supremacists, al-Qaeda, ISIS and Bill Bellichick. Everyone else, I figure even if I don't like them, I'm still taking their money.


Useless knowledge

 I nearly drove off the road when I heard Senator Whitehouse ask Brett Kavanaugh what "ralphing" referred to.  I was like Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter on that one..."oooh oooh ooooh, I know!"  That means to throw up.



Strange Election News


And finally the most outside the box voting award goes to the people in Nevada's 36th Assembly district, who voted in Denis Hof, a brothel owner and reality TV star. If that's not far out enough for you, Assemblyman-elect Hof has been dead since October 16.

From Taxi: Season 1 Episode 19. 

Louie DePalma: Um Ben Goretski is the shop steward. Ben? Ben Goretski to the cage.
John Burns: I never heard of him.
Alex Rieger: That's because he's been dead for two years.
Louie: Never mind, Ben.
Bobby Wheeler: Wow, looks like we're going to have to elect a new one.
Elaine Nardo: Oh, I nominate Alex.
Alex: Oh, come on, now, Elaine.
Louie:All right. All those in favor of Alex being our new shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Alex: Wait a minute! Look, I don't want to be the shop steward.
Louie: We can't force him into it.
Tony Banta: Well, why don't we just let Ben Goretski keep doing it? He's been doing a good job.
Louie: All those in favor of keeping Ben Goretski as our shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Louie: The ayes have it. Ben if you can hear me, congratulations.


Christmas Gift Ideas

According to the London Sun, three women in Australia are wanted for stealing $600.00 worth of sex toy merch from an adult store. (as opposed to lets say Walmart)


The owner of the Perth based Libido Adult Super Store, Garry Smith, told the paper that his store loses close to $2.5k every 6 months because of theft. His in store camera managed to capture footage of three women stealing, amongst other things 4 best selling vibrators, and my personal favorite, the Come Hither Rabbit Sex Toy valued at $280.00 (a bargain at any price if you ask me.)




I just liked this headline

 Gase! How low can you go?

Let me start off by saying although I was none to sorry to see the Todd Bowles Era end here in New York, I felt bad that they didn't even let the poor schmuck get on the plane home from Foxborough before they announced he was canned. Used to be they called the Monday after the regular season ended "Black Monday" because they announced all the firings then. Not anymore, now they don't even let the coach take his post game shower.

But it had to be done. More importantly, the replacement had to be a slam dunk. So what do the Jets go out and do?

Hire a guy who himself just got fired after posting a losing record.

The Dolphins weren't quite as eager to run Adam Gase out of Miami as the Jets were to run Bowles out of NY, but it was damn close. And at least the Jets all seem to like Bowles, though you'd be hard pressed to tell with the way they played this year. The Fish all pretty much hated Gase and admitted they quit playing for him.-January 2019


Things that make you go ewww 

What you don't know ........

 Rishab Malhotra of Stockton CA had a milkshake delivered from Cold Stone Creamery via Door Dash. Everything was cool till the next day when Rishab's father checked the video and saw the delivery dope sipping the milkshake.

yyyeeeewww! How gross! I don't believe there is justifiable homicide, but delivery people who drink out of their customer's cups? That might qualify. Especially in California


Just asking....

Tim Williams aka that creepy looking dude from the Trivago commercials, was arrested for DWI in Texas last week. I don't mean to make light of something as serious as DWI, but couldn't he have just ordered himself a hotel room?



ADVENTURES IN DOGSITTING

A San Francisco woman who used the website Wag.com tom hire a dog-sitter ended up with a home made porno for her trouble.


Rosie Brown told Casey Brengle that she had a dog food dispenser/doggie cam on the kitchen counter.

Despite having that information, Brengle...

1) had her boyfriend over and took him into the master bedroom, where Brengle claims they did not have sex. There were multiple scenes of Brengle and her man playing tonsil hockey however.

2) walked around the apartment in her birthday suit. While she didn't do this with her boyfriend around, she did sit her bare a$$ down on the couch. yeesh!

3) had her parents over to the apartment, which if that was the only thing she did wrong, is probably;y not the worst thing in the world. But still is a no-no according to the Wag contract. And why would her parents think going over to a client's apartment was a good idea?

This is my favorite 4) she called Daisy "a bitch" after she saw her playing rough with Penny. And THAT"S what she feels guilty about.

Maybe this is another case of me not getting with the times, but isn't bitch another term for a female dog? Or was that phased out during the #metoo movement?



We don't need no education. At least not from these people


First there was the teacher in Bay County Florida who wrote "WTF is this?" on the top of a students homework.

I had a couple of teachers that dropped F-bombs, but none of them were dumb enough to write them on our homework or tests. That's just asking for trouble. And of course, the kid's mother is demanding apologies and reprimands. and is no doubt consulting with their team of attorneys.
I.m curious to see what the hell work this kid turned in to provoke such potty mouth. But I guess that's besides the point.

Next we head to Gary, Indiana where a teacher gave an 11 year old autistic child a trophy as most annoying male. What's worse, the father, who deserves a trophy himself for Mr. Rogers-like restraint, left the trophy there, the teacher chased after him and said "Wait, you forgot your trophy."

Talk about WTF!

This would be cruel to do to any 11 year old child, much less one with special needs. And again God bless this poor baby's parents.  If they did that to my child, the teacher would have to have said trophy removed from their a$$. And since both Tara and I work at the two closest hospitals to Tim's school, that might pose a problem.

Finally we have the 4 teachers in Akron, Ohio who allegedly were doing jello shots during school hours. This one I can almost forgive. I mean, I hear some of the horror stories these poor teachers have to deal with and I think a three martini lunch should be in order.


OK, if you're still with me here, I thank you. I'm sure I have some stuff I wrote that was amusing, but I'll just leave this here. Again, thank you so much for taking a few minutes each week to read, I hope you enjoy it, even if you don't always agree.  As you can see, I'm not always right and my thinking can evolve. So please feel free to comment, good bad or ugly.




Here's to another 200!