Weekly Mail 3rd Annual Christmas Eve Special

Thank you for tuning in..


So normally we do a song parody and post some clips related to Christmas songs and such, but this year we are going to take a different approach.


Now I don't know if it's because I've had an extra hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year, or what it is, but to me this has been a very strange holiday season.

Thanksgiving was early this year, which means we had one extra week in November to be inundated with holiday songs and TV specials. They lit the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center on November 28. Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer were on before December 1st. And I think that extra time gave the thought police more opputunity to come up with crazy stuff.

To wit:


RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER-

Alleged Crimes- Child Abuse, Bullying, Unfair Labor practices.

A video uploaded on the Huffington Post points out all of the above.  Donner both verbally and physically abuses Rudolph, putting on a black nose cover that changes Rudolph's voice (and restricts his nasal passageway), the name calling by the other reindeer during reindeer training, including coach Comet.

Then you have Hermey (who looks like former Jet and Dolphin QB Chad Pennington) and the head elf (who sounds like he need to take some ExLax) arguing because Hermey wants to be a dentist. Hermey is forbidden to take his union mandated coffee break by the head elf because he didn't make enough toys.

The video also points out that Santa berates Donner over Rudolph's nose and Clarice's father forbids his daughter from associating with Rudolph (racism).

I'd like to point out that this version of Santa seems tougher to work for than George Steinbrenner, that the opening credits claim the show was created in the year 1064, (instead of 1964) and that I can't believe it took folks 54 years to figure all this out.

I don't know it's because we have a President who insults his staff on a daily basis, or because of the #metoo movement or some combination of the two. which leads me to...


BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE-

Alleged Crimes- Sexual Harassment, Date Rape

For years people have innocently sang along to this 1944 holiday classic. However closer examination of the lyrics seem to suggest some unsavory issues.

The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)
Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)

Does that sound like a romantic pre-Christmas date, or a night at Bill Cosby's house to you?

I simply must go (but baby, it's cold outside)
The answer is no (but baby, it's cold outside)

Hey man, no means no. Order her an Uber and call it a night, right?  Hey, I dig.



FROSTY THE SNOWMAN-

Alleged Crimes- Indecent Exposure, Smoking in front of children, kidnapping, first degree murder


I haven't heard much about this one, but while we are on the subject... You have a snowman, smoking a pipe wearing nothing but a hat that may have been stolen from a lousy magician. The kidnapping charge is spotty as Karen was willing to got to the North Pole, but when the magician locked Frosty in and melted him? That should get you a lethal injection in some states.


GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER

Alleged Crime- Hit and Run, Manslaughter

I have not heard this classic once this year. Have the grandmas of the world united? Could this be a gender thing? Why can't it be Grandpa got run over by a Reindeer? Which leads me to...



GENDER NEUTRAL SANTA CLAUS



A site called GraphicSprings.com posted a survey asking how would you "rebrand" Santa. The last question of the survey was what gender should Santa be? 70% of the respondents said male. The other 30% said either female or gender neutral.

My first instinct was to call BS on this. Santa will always be a jolly old fat guy in a red suit. But let's be honest, if us dudes were really the ones running Christmas, nothing would get done. We were a couple of gifts short on Friday, and Tara was freaking out. I told Tara there was a time in my life where if I started my Christmas shopping on December 21, it would be an early start.


No, I was the king of Christmas shopping on the 23rd and 24th. I told Tara that and she looked at me like she saw a ghost. My point is that it really is the women in our lives that make Christmas, well, Christmas, so maybe a female or gender neutral Santa isn't the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

and then there was


THE HOLLAND TUNNEL

On the Jersey City side of the Holland Tunnel, they put a wreath over the O in Holland. Perfect.

However, they put another wreath over the U in Tunnel, so it looks like Tonnel. That didn't really bother anybody.

They put a tree over the N in Holland, and all hell broke loose.

Some guy actually called the Port Authority and put in a complaint. When they basically told him to go F himself, he filmed a video and started an on-line petition which received over 2,000 signatures. The Port Authority ended up conducting their own poll and 21,000 people actually voted in this thing. 41.6% of the voters wanted the tree put over the A and the wreath over the U taken down altogether.

Thank goodness Donald Trump took care of ISIS so that the Port Authority didn't have to worry about little things like terrorism.


Here's the bottom line...

The idea behind Rudolph is that people or reindeer who are different can still be productive members of society, and shame on anybody who makes fun of them. As for Santa being a jerk, well, he does have a naughty list so not everyone thinks he's the bees knees, especially those in whose stocking he puts coal.

Baby, It's Cold Outside, I believe is a young couple who really dig each other. The woman wants to stay, but she wants this guy to give her a good reason. Otherwise, she'd just be like "Yo, I'm outta here!" Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.... This is just my opinion. Maybe the guy really is a creep. I just don't think the guy who wrote it was thinking of anything sinister.

Gender Neutral Santa Claus? In spirit I can see it, in reality, Santa's a male who couldn't get things done without his wife. Let's leave it at that.

As for the Holland Tunnel, maybe if you didn't have to wait 45 minutes to go through it every day, people wouldn't have time to worry about where the wreaths and trees go.


And the bottom, BOTTOM line to me is this, doesn't life suck enough without having to create these controversies? If the shows bother you, don't watch them. I know the songs are hard to get away from, but try to block them out if they bother you that much. For Pete's sake, the federal government shut down for the third time this year, we are currently without an attorney general, a chief of staff and a defense secretary, and not one, not a single one of my sports teams finished above .500 this year.

In all seriousness, we've all had enough heartache and pain this year. As noted philosopher Rodney King once asked, "Can't we all just get along?"


Man, I'm old enough to remember when the only thing that got people riled up during the holidays was pictures of The Baby Jesus.



Merry Christmas Everyone