Weekly Mail November 24, 2019

Hi:

I don’t know if it’s that I’m watching less TV than usual or I’m doing a better job of blocking it all out, but I don’t feel like I’m being as inundated with Black Friday commercials as I have been in other years. I mean they started with Christmas commercials on November 1, while we were still polishing off our kids Halloween candy, and because Thanksgiving is late this year, retailers were bemoaning the fact that there were 6 fewer days of the season. So they were supposedly ramping it up this year.

But I haven’t seen those “We’re dragging our workers in at 4 PM Thanksgiving Day so you heathens can start your Holiday shopping early” commercials. I’m not saying they aren’t there,  like I said I haven’t really seen them.

Either way Thanksgiving is coming up on Thursday. The parade, the turkey, the lousy football games etc. Enjoy it all wherever you are!!

For now, onto the news.



ROYAL FAMILY: You're Fired

So I saw this week that Britain's Prince Andrew was fired by Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles. Which begged the question; fired from what exactly?

I've probably mentioned this before, but one of the reasons that the Royal Family fascinate me so much, is that I really don't know what their purpose is. Queen Elizabeth is not the head of state there, right? The Prime Minister is in charge over there. I once took a class in college about British history and I told the professor the only thing I wanted out of the class was to find out what purpose the Royal Family serves over there. And I still have never gotten a satisfactory answer.

So now we have Prince Andrew, son of the Queen, brother of Prince Charles, ex hubby of Sarah Ferguson, and allegedly all around creep. His "firing" stems from his involvement with billionaire scumbag Jeffery Epstein who may or may not have killed himself while awaiting trial in a Manhattan jail.

And look, I don't mean to make light of what he has been accused of doing... If he really did have relations with an underage girl provided by Epstein, forget about losing his no-show job, he should be thrown in the slammer with the key tossed in the trash.

My point here is that the press, both in England and here win the States all breathlessly reported that he had been fired and kicked out of Buckingham Palace. When I first saw that, I have to admit I was a bit concerned..where was the poor schlep supposed to live, in a Motel 6 (or whatever the British equivalent is)?

Turns out that Prince Andrew’s  office was in Buckingham Palace and now that has been closed down. In addition, he forfeits a $300,000 annual salary. Whoa Nellie, that's a lot of cabbage!

And it got me to thinking....

If they need someone to replace the disgraced prince, well, I'm available. I mean I'd need to put my two weeks in and all that. But I can assure the Queen and whoever else I'd have to interview with that I have never associated or even met Jeffery Epstein, have never been a sexual deviant (as far as I can remember) and have lived a relatively embarrassment free life (at least for the past 15 years or so). Hell, if the monarchy would agree to pay my moving expenses, I'll even work (or not work as it were)  for 1/2 the salary Andrew was getting. I think that's more than fair.

If they let me blog about it, it would real win-win. I'd put the team in the best possible light. If anybody has any connections to the Royal Family, let me know and I will forward my resume and cover letter. I'm always thinking outside the box.


FOOTBALL: Poor Defense

Myles Garrett this week had his indefinite suspension held up after losing his appeal to he NFL. According to various sources, one of Garret's defenses for his attacking Steelers QB Mason Rudolph with his helmet was that Rudolph used a racial slur against Garrett.

The NFL said they found no evidence of that. Most of the talking heads on TV and Radio said they found that defense dubious, but qualifying that by saying, "Well we weren't on the field when it happened, so we can't say for certain.

Well I will. Garrett's full of it.

Because if that was me, and I was so besides myself with rage that I felt the need to bash someones brains in with a football helmet, not only would I say something right away, I'd grab the little microphone that the ref uses to announce penalties and tell all 80,000 people in the stadium. "Hey that dude just said my momma wears combat boots! What was I supposed got do?"

And again, just like in the case of Jussie Smollett, what really burns my a$$ about something like this, is that there is so much legitimate racism in the country that needs to be addressed and resolved. Making up stuff doesn't resolve any of that. It only makes it worse.

Whatever the endgame punishment for Garrett was going to be for what he did, I would add on to it for what he said to try to get himself a more lenient deal.

********************************************************************************

I didn’t get to see too much of the impeachment hearings the past two weeks. But I did catch the closing remarks by ranking member Devin Nunes and committee chairman Adam Schiff. I’m not sure how Nunes can look at himself in the mirror every morning, and Schiff, who gave new meaning to the term passive aggressive, spit fire in his closing remarks, as if he was getting two weeks of abuse off his chest. Nunes, Jim Jordan and Elsie Stefanik made Schiff out to be the boogeymen here. Schiff told them all to go scratch. (Not in so may words) An impeachment trial at the same time of the primaries might be more than most of us can handle, but it sure looks like that's where we are headed.


Again, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. And while we are giving thanks, a thank you to everyone who reads and or responds. Even when we don't agree, I appreciate you and your friendship. That's one of the things I am thankful for.

and Have a Great Week

Weekly Mail November 17, 2019

Hey Everyone:

We're halfway through November and getting closer to the real kickoff for the Holiday season. I know stores are already slamming us with Black Friday commercials and Lexus is making us feel like failures for not putting one of their cars in our suburban driveways Christmas morning, but really, with a week and a half to go before Thanksgiving, this will really start to ratchet up. Fasten your seatbelts folks, it's about to go down.



NEWS:

There were two school shooting this past week. One in Santa Clarita, CA and one at a high school football game in Camden, NJ.

The images from the Jersey shooting were jarring, seeing the players running for cover and the refs flat on their stomachs.

The images from Santa Clarita have almost become commonplace, and that's the saddest commentary of all.

I've made my case many times previous, that the only way to come up with a solution to this horror, is for everyone from all sides of the gun debate to come together, put differences aside and realize that we are destroying our most precious resource. But it's the same thing over and over, name calling, finger pointing and nothing gets done.

It's our national shame.


HOCKEY: Cherry Buried

I was too young to remember Don Cherry when he coached the Boston Bruins or even the Colorado Rockies (soon to be New Jersey Devils). But I do remember the first time I saw him on TV.

I was with my parents and sisters at a BBQ at my mom's friends house. I had snuck into their basement because 1) they had cable and 2) the 1991 Canada Cup Final between Canada and the USA was going to be on. But before the game, they showed Don Cherry's Grapevine. His guest that night was Bruins all-star Cam Neely. I can't even call what I saw that night an interview. It was more like something you'd see in one of those pre-Guliani theaters on 42nd Street. A verbal porno.

Neely's qualifications for appearing on the Grapevine were (in order from least to most important) he had talent, he could fight, and he was Canadian.

Indeed European players need not apply to appear on the Grapevine. As he also did on his Coaches Corner segment on Hockey Night in Canada, Cherry railed against European players, starting with Anders Hedberg and Ulf Nillson from Sweden in the late 70's, right up to the Russian 5 in Detroit. And look, I'm all for supporting you fellow countrymen, I'm the last person who should be scolding anyone for that, especially around the Olympics, but I also appreciate the different talents that players from other countries bring. And here's a little known fact....the 1994 Rangers leading point scorer in the regular season was not names Messier, Leetch or Graves. It was Sergei Zubov (as Casey Stengel would say, you can look it up.) So if it wasn't for those pesky Europeans we might be on an 80 year drought as opposed to the 54 year one we had (and the 26 year one were working on now)

But alas, that's not what got Cherry in trouble last week on Coaches Corner. Speaking about Remembrance Day (Canada's version of Veteran's Day) Cherry said the following...

"You people love... that come here whatever it is, you love our way of life, you love out milk and honey at least you could pay a couple of bucks for a poppy or something like that."

If Cherry was speaking to Canadians as a whole, and reminding them to honor their vets, then I don't think there would have been an issue. But "you people come here" was a clear singling out of  immigrants. That couldn't stand.

And here's the thing....

Here in the States, there were plenty of folks, liberal, conservative, pacifist or hawk, that took time out on Monday to salute our vets. Poppies aren't as big here as they are up north, but Facebook was filled with pictures of family members who served, there was a huge turnout for the parade down 5th Avenue and even our knucklehead politicians were able to put their differences aside and not say anything dopey that day.

I'm all for calling people out who don't honor our vets. But I don't think it was necessary. I think the overwhelming majority of people in America, regardless of whether or not they were born here, took some time out to honor those men and women who served. I imagine it was the same in Canada.

I've heard that Don Cherry was Canada's equivalent of Rush Limbaugh. I've also heard Don Cherry referred to as beloved. I always thought that was an oxymoron, as I wouldn't called Limbaugh beloved by any definition of the word. This week as I saw Cherry fired from HNIC, I realized how much he really wasn't loved.


BASEBALL: Houston, We Have a Problem

Oakland A's pitcher Mike Fiers, told the Athletic last week that in 2017, his former team, the Astros used a camera in center field to steal the catcher's signs, and then used a code system to let the hitter know was pitch was coming. The system included banging on the dugout's garbage can to alert the hitter.

Now these alleged shenanigan's have impacted both our local teams. The Yankees are crying foul because all this went down in 2017, when the Bronx Bombers were versing the Astros in the ALCS.

One anonymous Yankee told the Post...

“To actually have somebody hitting a garbage can, pretty much the whole game, that’s pretty much your job, whoever is doing that. It stinks. You wish you could go back in time and figure that out earlier, because we thought we were the better team. We probably were the better team.”


Well I don't know about that, but I don't blame the Yanks or their fans for being pissed off. Shoot, I had that scumbag Bill Bellichick stealing signs from my Jets, and I convinced myself that had they not done that, we would have only lost by 2 touchdowns instead of 3. So if I were a Yankee fan, I'd no doubt be telling everyone who would listen that there should be a 28th banner atop the facade.

As for the Mets, well apparently one of the Astros involved in this caper was none other than our brand new manager (who again I begged the team not to hire) Carlos Beltran.

Right now, this all under investigation by MLB, so we don't know what repercussions if any, Beltran and the Astros will face. For the sake of my fellow Met fans, hopefully any punishments will go to the higher-ups and not the players. The Astros not only lost the World Series, they also were forced to fire a team exec who made offensive comments to female reporters. They have become a very hard team to root for.

In other Mets news, Pete Alonso and Jacob deGrom won NL Rookie of the Year and Cy Young Award respectively. Both were one vote short of winning unanimously. Which of course led to an editorial dilemma here at WM. Do I praise Alonso and the deGrominator? Bash the two idiots who didn't vote for them? Both? Does even mentioning their names lend them credibility that they don't deserve?

Well, here's what I will say....neither of these two dudes were nearly the a$$hole that the guy who didn't vote deGrom for Cy Young last year was. To my knowledge, they didn't punk out on WFAN, or consult Randy Jones on their votes. The guy who voted against Alonso, tried to be funny about it, asking Met fans to to hate him for his vote. Both men actually made solid points about their votes. The ROY voter voted for Braves pitcher Mike Soroka saying that his stats in a year where many felt the ball was juiced was more impressive than hitting a bunch of home runs. The Cy Young voter said that he voted for Dodger pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu  because he only had 4 bad starts in the middle of the season that took his ERA from 1.43 to 2.41. To be honest, it's kind of hard to argue with either case.

And yet, here I go, because I'm THAT obnoxious idiot..


I think Soroka is a stud, and it pains me to think he's going to be in the Mets division for the next several years. The Braves once again are loaded with young talent. and Soroka is going to be a thorn in the Mets side. His numbers were impressive.

But 53 home runs is 53 home runs, especially in a pitcher's ballpark. Met players have had a hard time getting to 40 homers, 50, honestly I didn't think I'd see that in my lifetime. Alonso was unquestionably the best rookie in the game, or at least in the NL. Not voting for him was just plain dumb.

I have to admit, I was getting nervous when I saw Ryu's ERA hovering around the 1.40 mark around the All-Star break. As I've stated previous, Bob Gibson's 1.12 ERA will most likely never be approached, so I'm going to consider Dwight Gooden's 1.53 ERA the torchbearer. And that has only been approached a few times since Doc did it in 1985. Yes, if Ryu hadn't had those 4 bad starts, even if they were halfway decent, he would have had an awesome ERA, and therefore, even I would have to condede him the Cy Young.

But you know who else had a few rough starts this season? Jacob deGrom, Had he not had HIS rough starts, he's be sporting a pretty low ERA. So that argument is bollocks as well.

I can't help but think that if Alonso and deGrom pitched anywhere but NY, they'd have been voted unanimously. I also think these two guys just wanted the attention, which is why I was reluctant to say anything about it, also why I'm not using their names. At the end of the day, nobody's going to remember how many votes they got (or didn't get), 2019 will be a year to remember for two awesome Mets. And that's how it should be.


FOOTBALL: Assault in Cleveland

Woke up Friday to hear all news outlets talking about Thursday night's Browns-Steelers game. Had no idea what the big deal was till I saw Steelers QB Mason Rudolph getting clobbered with his own helmet by Browns DE Myles Garrett.

You've heard me rail on about football these last few years. A league made up of wife beating, gun carrying miscreants. Where the most talked about player is one who hasn't played in 4 years. Whose best coach and arguable best player are both convicted cheaters.

Yet we tune in. Week after week. I'm guilty. I watched the Jet Giant game last weekend. I don't know how people watch 14 straight hours of football (9:30 AM if there's a game in London, all the way till the end of SNF around 11 PM Sunday night.) It's, as Mike Vaccaro wrote a few year's back, our national addiction.

And we're going to watch after this incident too. But even for all we put up with, all we turn a blind eye to, all we've been desensitized to, this was a shock to see.  This was something that made you wince.

The NFL came down hard on Garrett suspending him for the rest of the season, at least. Garrett appeared to be genuinely embarrassed by his behavior (though not enough that he won't file an appeal). But I really don't think there is going to be the type of wholesale change needed till the game gets hit in the wallet.


POLITICS: Decisions, Decisions....

Former NYC Mayor and multi Billionaire Michael Bloomberg, filed papers in two states last week to get on their democratic Presidential primary ballot. He still hasn't formally announced whether or not he will enter the race.

I understand the decision to run for President is not one that should be taken lightly, but I'm wondering if Bloomy is this indecisive about even running, how is he going to be when he has to make Presidential Decisions. I felt the same way about Mario Cuomo back in 1992.

I had my ups and downs with Bloomberg. As mayor he was a classier version of Guliani. he kept crime low and improved the schools. He also improved as he went along, realizing that even though he could navigate the city through a blizzard from his house in Bermuda, didn't mean that he should do that.

I thought his forcing his way to a third term as mayor that he was not legally allowed to do was bush league. I wouldn't have voted for him, but I had moved to the burbs that year, so I didn't get the chance. But overall, At times he was out of touch, but I think he tried.  And overall, I think he cared.

So yes, I would welcome him into the race. Not sure he'd be m first choice as a Democrat, but I wouldn't write him off either. I just wish he'd say one way or another what the hell he's going to do.


I didn't see enough of the hearings this week that I can give you a fair and honest opinion on them. I did happen to catch Elise Stefanik (R-NY) and Jim Jordan (R-OH) woofing on House Intelligence Committee  Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA) after the hearings were over. I'm not sure what worries me more... that in 20 years scholars will look back and shake their heads at this or that in 20 years, this will all be considered the political norm.


Sorry I was light on laughs this week. Hopefully next week we can lighten it up some.

Have a Great Week.

Weekly Mail November 10, 2019

Hello:

I hope everyone enjoyed our 200th edition last week. Lots to catch up on here, so let's get to it!




BASEBALL- The Mets New Manager


So because I dedicated last week's blog to celebrating our 200th edition, I had a whole week to sit and stew over the decision the Mets made regarding their new manager. So now the venting will commence...


Let me start by saying that I believe in my heart that the whole interview process was a sham from the very beginning. I feel like the Mets knew they were going to hire Carlos Beltran from the time they fired Mickey Callaway. I believe the only reason they had Joe Girardi in was for appearances sake. "We'll act as if we are seriously considering Girardi so that when we hire our no experience manager, we can say 'Hey, we had him in for a couple interviews, he just didn't fit our vision."

And what exactly is their vision?

Well from where I'm sitting, it's to have a puppet in the dugout so that GM Brodie Van Wagenen can dictate the lineup. Do you think Joe Girardi would keep trotting 37 year old Robinson Cano out there every night if he's not hitting? Of course not. But since Brodie made that asinine deal, and doesn't feel like explaining to those morons the Wilpon's why they are paying someone $20 million to sit on the bench, he needed someone who would keep playing Cano. Enter Carlos Beltran.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Beltran will stand up to that empty suit and tell him Cano is washed up and he needs to sit. But, can anyone honestly see that scenario playing out? Because I can't. And that's just one example. Lets not forget the other gift we got from Santa Van Wagenen last winter. Edwin Diaz, the closer who couldn't close games, who had he converted half of the saves he blew, would have gotten us into the playoffs. Guess what team we would have jumped over to get into the playoffs, that's right, your World Champion Washington Nationals!

Now that's my issue with the Mets not hiring Joe Girardi, or reaching out to Buck Showalter. Replacing one inexperienced manager with another was bad enough. If you are going to do that, then give me Derrick Shelton, who was the Twins bench coach, or (as much as I didn't want him) Tim Bogar who had at least some interim manager experience.

No, they had to go and hire a man they knew I couldn't stand. The man who stood there and watched as strike 3 went by him and sent a not so good Cardinal team to the 2006 World Series. Oliver Perez turned out to be a bum, but he pitched his heart out that night. Endy Chavez made a catch that normally would have inspired any other team to the finish line. Instead, we had our highest paid player, striking out looking with the bases loaded.

I've been told countless times by people I truly care about (my father, my father in law {G.R.H.S.}, and my Weekly Mail co-editors,) that my anger towards Beltran is misguided.  "Ted Williams couldn't have hit that pitch! my father in law once yelled. Other people contributed to the loss that night. I'm aware of that. I'm guessing the next announcement is gonna be that Aaron Heilman will be the team's new pitching coach.

And here's the thing... I could have forgiven 2006, if one year later the Mets didn't have the choke of all chokes, and almost the exact same thing a year later. Followed by 6 years of crappy baseball, a fun (but lucky) trip to the World Series, a play in game loss, and two more crappy years of baseball.

Laying all this on Carlos Beltran maybe unfair, but lets face it, the Yankees did the same thing to A-Rod. In 2007 he hit 54 home runs and drove in an ungodly 154 runs. Yet most Yankee fans wanted to run him out of town because he couldn't get them out of the first round of the playoffs. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Both A-Rod and Beltran were making the big mamoo. It was on them to carry their teams. A-Rod would get the Yanks there in 2009. Beltran never did.

Now everybody is saying "You have to give him a chance." Well I don't have a choice do I? Of course I'm going to give him a chance. And if he delivers? Well, I've eaten crow before. I hope to heaven I'm wrong about this.

But he better deliver. He gets no grace period here. He's already let me down once.


Speaking of poor coaching choices


FOOTBALL: NY's sad situation

I'm going to pull a Mike Francesa here (more on him later) and go on record to say that I knew the Jets were going to lose to Miami last week. Well, no. I predicted that the Jets would lose at least one of their two games to the Dolphins, I didn't specify which one.

The Jets and the Dolphins have been playing each other for over 50 years, and have provided some of football's wackiest games. I remember one Monday night going to bed with the Jets losing 30-7 only to wake up Tuesday morning to hear about the Miracle at the Meadowlands. (Didn't Jumbo Elliot throw the game winning pass for the Jets?) How about Dan Marino's fake spike?  A neighbor of mine said he's run into Wesley Walker around town, I'd love to talk to him about the game in 1986 the Jets won in OT 51-45. (and not the one they lost later on that season 45-3, the first loss of a 5 game losing streak that took them from the best record in the game to barely making the playoffs).

Put that fact together with the fact that Jets coach Adam Gase was pretty much run out of town by the Dolphins last year, and Miami's QB is former Jet Ryan Fitzpatrick, so revenge was on their minds, and you had all the ingredients for a Jet loss. I may have been the only Jet fan in NY who wasn't losing their mind. And I'm usually the first one to do so. (Well me and Joe Beningo). The Dolphins are one of the hottest teams in the NFL now, having beaten the Colts on Sunday. Wonder if they are going nuts in Indianapolis today?

In any event, I'd rather have lost to the Fish last week than have lost to the Giants on Sunday. Now THAT would have caused me to blow my stack. The game was pretty much as advertised. Both teams making mistakes, penalties turnovers. The Jets played slightly less awful and came away with the W. Now its Pat Schurmur's a$$ in the proverbial frying pan. And maybe the calls for Adam Gase's head will slow down a bit,

Look folks, I wanted Gase here as much as I wanted Carlos Beltran here. Like the case with the Mets, there was a more experienced, championship winning, coach that the team passed on. The situations are eerily similar,

But firing Gase at this point? 9 games in?  And again this is coming from someone who didn't want him in the first place. I don't think that's the move here. Give him the season at least.

What I would do, is bench Sam Darnold. Not as a punishment, not as a demotion. Just as a precaution.

Their offensive line is horrible, the worst I've ever seen. (And I saw Kenny O'Brien get sacked 62 times one season). He's also getting over mono. I still believe in this kid. And I see no reason to risk his getting badly injured because he's still weak from a serious illness and playing behind a line that resembles Swiss cheese.  This Giant game was the last one I even remotely cared about this year. Give him some more time to heal, and let someone else get clobbered back there.


POLITICS: Free Met tickets!!!!


I have a serious question here.... Mick Mulvaney was subpoenaed by the House Intelligence Committee and was supposed to testify on Friday. He refused to show up. Can he be jailed for that? If you or I didn't show up in court, we'd be thrown in jail right? Or maybe not. Maybe if Mulvaney changes his mind and shows up, he'll get to see the Nationals raise their World Championship banner in person.

Or at least if the Dope from Park Slope was in charge down there..

According to CBS 2 NY....

State judges will no longer require cash bail for most misdemeanors and non-violent felonies like selling drugs or burglarizing a home, and the state says nearly 900 city residents in jail now will be released starting mid-December.

That's bad enough. I mean I am all for taking drug users out of jail and into treatment. A guy shouldn't spend the night in jail because he took a wizz behind a bush.  But drug dealers need to stay locked up and having had my house broken into as a kid, I don't think we need those skells out either.

But that's not even the worst part...

A law enforcement source told CBS2 a city program will offer those released incentives meant to encourage them to show up in court such as Mets baseball tickets, a subway pass or a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card.

Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life?

Donald Trump and Bill DeBlasio really are two opposite sides of the spectrum aren't they? Trump thinks all Mexicans are criminals and wants to wall them out of the country. DeBlasio thinks criminals should get orchestra seats to Hamilton. There's no common sense here, no middle ground. It's either lock 'em all up or let 'em all out. And give them big cash/lots of prizes to boot.

The 2020 Election is now less than a year away....



Mike Francesa once again announced he was leaving his afternoon drive spot on WFAN in December, I'm sure it will be two years to the day he left the first time. Sitting Bull (as Phil Mushnick calls him) will not be leaving altogether, as he will stream his show at the Radio.com app. he just won't be arrogant enough to charge people for it. Had he stayed off the air after his farewell tour in 2017, he'd be remembered as the radio legend he was. Instead he's hanging on like Mohammad Ali when he fought Larry Holmes in 1980.  It would be sad, except that he screwed over people at the FAN. Good Riddance.

One of the reasons Francesa gave for leaving (again) is that he wants to spend more time at his winter home in Florida. Donald Trump also announced last week that he's changing his official residence to Florida. (Hopefully he'll be moving there on January 20,2021.) Now if we could just get those guys to take DeBlasio with them.
Hey I'm an idea man!



RANDOM NOTES


I just read that Robert (Bob) Morris, one of the original Marlboro Men, died this week at age 90. According to his family Morris never smoked a day in his life, and gave up working for the company because he didn't want to send a poor message to his kids. I thought that was pretty interesting.


Saturday marked the 30th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down. One of the strongest symbols of the cold war came down and a country reunified, and the only thing I remember about it was Dana Carvey's impression of George HW Bush on that week's Saturday Night Live...

"To sum up, Hitler-Bad, (Helmut) Kohl-Good. Dan Quayle-still gaining acceptance. Before Bush-Wall, With Bush-no more wall. Place in history-Secure!."
LOL


Last Monday, in addition to it being my parents 47th anniversary, it was also the 40th anniversary of the start of the Iranian Hostage Crisis.  In 6th grade, we used to get these little magazines called READ, and one of them had an excerpt from a book written by one of the hostages about his experiences while captive. It was harrowing to read as an 11 year old, and I believe I tracked down the actual book. Pieces of the Game by Charles W. Scott. It's coming into the Oceanside Library hopefully on Tuesday.  Can't wait to read the whole book.

And finally on a happy note, Sunday marked the 50th anniversary of the premiere of Sesame Street. Bob, Linda, Gordon, Susan, Maria and Luis are all still alive. (Bob McGrath is 87) Mr. Hooper and David have passed away. As far as I know, all the Muppet's are still alive too. So happy this is still on. One of the perks of Timmy coming along was that I got to enjoy Sesame Street again.


A Happy Veterans Day to all who have served our nation. And from all of us who haven't a million thanks for your service.

Hope all is well with all of you

and Have a Great Week

Weekly Mail's 200th Blog Post November 3, 2019

Hello Everyone!

This is our 200 blog post to Facebook since we re-launched weekly Mail on September 12, 2015. Like the folks who tried and failed to plan Woodstock 50 this past summer, I had plenty of time to come up with ideas for this special and I drew a big fat blank. 

So I decided to go through some of the old posts and put up some of my favorites lines and stories. 

I avoided the specials and obituaries I wrote, as I want this to be a happy look back. You'll see how I changed my tune politically and you'll see some fearless predictions that I should have feared. It's long, so you may want to read it in a couple of sittings. Plus I kind of ran out of steam and didn't bother going into 2019 too much. As I said, I could have done this much better. Maybe for number 300 in a couple of years, we'll come up with something better.

For now, enjoy the look back over the past 4 years. 



My defense? I never thought he'd win. (Part one)


There are a lot of things that I like about Donald Trump and his run for the Republican Nomination. He's self made, so he's not beholden to special interests to raise money, He's also not beholden to the party line, as his plan to raise taxes on the wealthy have his fellow Repulicans breaking out in hives, and although I realize he has had his share of business failures, he's also had some very huge successes.  (From our relaunch- September 12, 2015.


I still have those moments when I can't believe I'm a married father 

Saturday morning was Timmy's first soccer game of the season. Back in the days when I was whiling away the hours at Donovan's or Shelley's or the Irish Circle, even in those rare moments in which I thought there was a remote chance that I may one day become a father, I never thought I'd be a Long Island Soccer dad.I mean, growing up in Woodside, playing CYO ball, it was strictly baseball and basketball. Soccer in Woodside, was unheard of.

        A soccer dad? Never in a million years. A soccer coach? I'd have laughed you off the bar stool if you laid that one one me those many years ago. As John Lennon once wrote. "Life is what happens to you  while your busy making other plans." Ain't that the truth. (September 19, 2015)

This is regarding some idiot that sued her nephew after he knocked her over while giving her a hug. And you thought stupid shit like this only happened since Trump took over...

 I'm probably a bit raw on this because I am the lucky uncle of three beautiful nieces and one prince of a nephew. The thought of taking them to court would never cross my mind in a million years, I wouldn't give a spit if they knocked me over to give me a hug. Shoot, I'm just happy when they give me a hug without looking like they're about to record a hostage tape. Not to mention that the a$$-whupping I would get from my parents and in-laws would be far worse than any damage I would have sustained at the hands of my nieces and nephew. (October 18, 2015)



The Sunday homily-given by a 7 year old Timmy

"So this guy came up to Jesus and said "What do I have to do?" And Jesus said "You have to get rid of all your toys and all your stuff, or if you want, bring all your stuff to me, and I'll make sure that it goes to the poor. So the guy said he would do it, but he lied. HE LIED TO JESUS, because he didn't give any of his stuff away. I mean, who lies to Jesus? " October 25, 2015




Just as long as he doesn't become Denis Rodman. BTW? He's calmed down quite a bit since then. Damn! 

 So in the "irony is so ironic" department, I was a failure at sports because I was too passive, and my kid had to ride the pine because he's too rough. Maybe I have to get him into basketball. That way he can use his skills as an enforcer to get to the pros. Hey, everyone wants their kids to be Michael Jordan, someone has to be Bill Laimbeer, right? November 8, 2015



Predictions gone Wrong Part One 

 I have come to the conclusion that the Jets will most likely end up with anywhere from,a 7-9 record to a 9-7 record, but you can take THIS to the bank... the games they will lose will be the games I really want them to win. Yes, wins against the Browns, Jags, Redskins, Colts and especially the Dolphins are nice, but so far they have lost to the Eagles (who they have never beaten in the regular season despite playing them every year in the preseason) the Patriots (led by lying lowlifes Bill Belichick and Tom Brady) and now the Bills, so we can all read about how Rex Ryan stuck it to his old team. They play the Giants on December 6th, so get ready to lose that one and hear about how the classy Giants have won 4 Super Bowls since the Jets last won theirs in 1969. November 15, 2015

NOTE-They beat the Giants and went 10-6. They needed to go 11-5 and beat Rex Ryan to make the playoffs. 

You want the bird? Go in the alley and eat the bird. or Anytime I get to quote from Rocky I..

Eujin Jayla Kim, the principal of PS 169 in Sunset Park, banned any mention of Thanksgiving, Christmas or Santa Claus, and worst of all, the Pledge of Allegiance.  Now, you don't want to offend non Christians by not mentioning Christmas or Santa? I don't like it, but I can maybe see that. If you are one of those people who feel bad about what happened to the Indians 500 years ago and you don't want to celebrate Thanksgivng, I think you need to get a life, but I'll kind of sort of (but not really) respect your point of view. As the noted philosopher Rocky Balboa once said, "You call it Thanksgiving, I call it Thursday". November 29, 2015



The Jets-The More Things Change....

The other thing that annoys me about the Jets is that every time they switch regimes, the virtues of the new guy in contrast to the old guy is hyped up. For instance, when Herm Edwards took over for Al Groh, Edwards was praised for running a loose, fun team. When Herm got canned after going 4-12, they brought in Eric Mangini, who was praised for being a disciplinarian. When Man-genius  missed the playoffs a couple of times, in came Rex Ryan and we had fun fun fun till daddy took the T-Bird away. Now Todd Bowles is here and the discipline and class is back and blah blah blah.

I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear it. Win the f-cking Super Bowl, then tell me how great the coach is. Till then spare me. January 10 2016



If Trump had kept at least one of these promises... Also, I never thought he'd get elected

That leaves us with Donald Trump, Marco Rubio and John Kasich. Look, I realize many of you can't stand Trump. Some of you are reading this and wondering why I haven't put him in the above paragraph, weeding out the riff-raff. I've had more than one friend say they'd flee the country if he became President. Well, to be honest, and as I've said before, there are things about him that I like. I like that he wants to strengthen our military and take care of our veterans. I like that he wants to secure our borders and fix immigration. I love that he wants to promote American products and get us back to being the most productive nation on earth. February 1, 2016




Timmy breaks it down

I had one of those proud parent moments today. They had a Mass for Timmy's CCD class today, and the priest had the kids come up for the homily. He asked them about Lent, and some of the kids gave their answers. But then the priest said "Hey this guy here knows his stuff. Here , take the mike and tell us about it." I thought for a minute he was talking to Timmy and sure as $h-t, there he was taking the microphone and said "Jesus met the devil in the desert and said to him I don't have to prove to you that I'm God's son. Go away!" The priest told Timmy he did a great job and his teachers are obviously very good. That led to his CCD teacher giving him a big hug at the post Mass coffee hour.
These are the days that being a parent is awesome. The first thing Tim said to me when we left church was " I got a bit of stage fright." I dont know where he comes up with this stuff folks, but he does. February 8, 2016





Weekly Mail Interactive- Vote on the time I was most furious

1) November 2, 2015- The Mets, leading by one run in the top of the 9th inning with one out and a runner on third, induce the Royals into a ground ball to third that should have ended the game when the Royals tried to score from third. But Lucas Duda, threw the ball away, the Royals scored the tying run, then won the World Series in the 12th. After swearing I wouldn't go bat$h-t crazy if they lost, I went bat$h-t crazy.

2) May 29, 2015- The Rangers, having won the President's trophy as the NHL's best regular season team, are in a  scoreless tie going into the third period of Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals AT HOME against the Tampa Bay Lightning. Henrik Lundqvist did everything but stand on his head, but he lets in 2 measly goals. That's two more measly goals than my allegedly high powered Rangers managed. For the second time in the series, they were shut out AT HOME. The team with the best record in the league, didn't make even make it to the Finals. That one burned me so much, I ended up in the hospital three nights later.

3) February 2, 2015- The Seahawks, trailing the Patriots by 4 with 26 seconds left in Super Bowl XLIX, and the ball on the Patriots 1 yard line, elect to throw a pass, instead of handing the ball off to pro bowl fullback Marshawn Lynch. The pass is picked off and the Patriots win the Super Bowl.
That's not what made me furious.
That took place the next day, when I found out that had Seahawks coach Pete Carroll run the ball into the end zone as any Pop Warner football coach would have done, I would have won the $350.00 Super Bowl pool I was in. Instead I got squat, and the privilege of hearing the Giants fans among me saying that Eli Manning was the only QB capable of beating Tom Brady in a Super Bowl. 

March 13, 2016

Editors Note: Number 1 was the winner. 4 of you voted and 2 voted for number 1 

Classic Headlines 

News Item: We had my eighth birthday at Burger King:

       

One of the cool things about being a parent is seeing all the creative ways one can celebrate a child's birthday. I've been to a bunch of birthdays at Bounce U in Oceanside, (including Timmy's 4th) I've been to bowling parties, (including Timmy's 7th) I've been to more Frozen parties than I care to admit, a couple of movie parties and in a couple of weeks, Timmy's going to a pool party at Saf-T-Rob (er Swim)
      One party I will not be attending with Timmy is one in which a stripper is hired for the festivities. Nor will Tara and I be hiring one for Timmy's next shindig.  Now you may ask, what kind of a moron would do such a dastardly deed?
       Well according to The Daily Star, a woman in Tampa FL, hired a stripper to shake her money maker at her kid's 8th birthday party. Video of the incident was available on line, and showed the kids tossing dollar bills at the dancer and the birthday boy slapping the dancer's bottom. Can you imagine? Even Donald Trump wouldn't be that crass.
          If it was socially acceptable to have strippers perform for kiddies, they could have done it at my grammar school. After all, there was a jiggle joint right around the corner from St. Mary's They could have come over for lunch, and been back in time for their next show. As George Carlin once said, "These are the ideas that kept me from getting in to the really good schools." April 3, 2016

The week previous in Oceanside, a retired cop accidentally shot his friend in the foot (the friend was a podiatrist) and some 70 year old nut threatened cops with a sword because he parked his plane in his driveway. I made the following observation...

Before all this, the biggest story I remember here in Oceanside was that time we had that mutt who was selling hot dogs from a truck, and then flashing her boobs at the customers. She was arrested for indecent exposure. She should have been arrested for ruining two of my favorite things. (hot dogs and boobs-not necessarily in that order)
She would have had to sell me a quart of tequila with my hot dogs for me to want to view her assets. Lawd was she disgusting! may 1 2016





The Big Stink

NEWS ITEM: The (F)Art of the Deal.

US NEWS and World Report, as well as my beloved New York Post, reported this week that a group of disgruntled Bernie Sanders supporters are planning to ply delegates with franks and beans the night that presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton gives her acceptance speech in the hopes that they will all simultaneously cut the cheese during her speech and the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.-July 17, 2016


BTW: This place never became an Italian joint. It went back to being an Irish bar (with no food) then when El Mariachi closed down in RVC, it became lil Mariachi. Now it's once again an Irish bar. 

We decide to order drinks and mull it over. A wine for Tara, a Sprite for Tim-Tim, and water for me. "You want to see if they can make a meatball hero?' Tara asks. So when the guy comes back, I ask if can make us meatball heroes. "I no hava da meatballs" He says, before repeating You can havea the chicken parmigiana over pasta, the eggaplant parmigiana over pasta, or the veal parmigiana over pasta."

I wanted to scream at this guy from the top of my lungs..."What the f-ck kind of Italian place doesn't have meatballs?".... . It reminded me of the famous John Belushi skit from SNL, when the poor guy is trying to order something and Belushi keeps yelling "Cheeseburger!"The irony being that a cheeseburger is exactly what I was there for.

 Ever the diplomat, Tara just orders two chicken parms over ziti, of which we will each share some with Timmy (Who for the record, didn't want to come here in the first place) August 7, 2016


Predictions gone wrong Part 2

I figured that the Mets would have to win 20 of their 29 games in August to secure a playoff spot. After Saturday night's win, their record for August is 4-8. Is it conceivable they could get their injured guys back, and maybe Syndergaard and Matz figure it out and they go on a run. I guess. And of course , that's how I'm going to root. But it's hard to see it happening. As a former Met manager once observed, It's getting late awfully early. August 14, 2016


I apologize if I offended Italians here, but I had it lawyered by an Italian lawyer so...


A mattress store in San Antonio ran an add in which a woman with multiple chins was standing in front of two stacks of mattresses. Two other dicks were behind her as she started in about the store's 9/11 sale. In her excitement over the sale, she knocks to the two guys into the mattress stacks. The yell as they fall and she screams and starts running only to stop and say quietly, Never Forget.

THIS JUST IN- The owner of the store, Mike Bonanno, has announced that the mattress store has closed indefinitely and will take "accountability actions." I don't know about San Antonio, but here in NY, if someone named Bonanno is looking to take "accountability actions", it usually means someone is about to take a dirt nap. September 10, 2016


And to think this guy actually thought he could be President....

Saturday night, Mayor DeBlasio said that while the device that exploded in Chelsea was set intentionally, there was no reason to believe it was terrorism.

Huh?          September 18, 2016


Bob Schiffer summing up the 2nd debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

"How have we come to this? This is supposed to be a campaign for the most powerful office in the land...... I mean this is what they do in banana republics. This is the United States of America. People keep asking me have I've ever seen anything like this and I keep saying no. And I just hope to God, I don't see another campaign like this one. America can do better than what we have seen here tonight. This was just disgraceful. "October 9, 2016
Hate to tell you Bob, it's going to get a lot worse




You see Ray? I was even saying this 3 years ago. I'm consistent if nothing else. 

I hate the Nationals. I feel bad for the folks in Montreal who lost their team, I resent the fact that a city who couldn't support a team twice before was given a third shot.October 16, 2016



Predictions gone wrong Part 3 -This one was a doooozy

Everyone is freaking out because the overall polls are in a dead heat. Of course that means squat. The bottom line is there are about 11 toss up states and Trump needs to win just about all of them.

He won't. 

Weekly Mail predicts Hillary will waltz to victory. 311-227. November 6, 2016

Who goes there for the food? 

In a week where we all could have used a few glasses of personality, McSorley's Old Ale House, a Greenwich Village Haunt founded in 1854, was shut down by the DOH.  The health concerns that were raised include "Rats, food held at the wrong temperature, and conditions conducive to "vermin and pest activity" Sounds gross.

But in defense of the joint, what do you expect of a place that's been around since before the Civil War started? Now that they gentrified downtown, the rats need a place to go.And who goes there to eat? That place is a pure booze bar, and the idea is to get nice and drunk on those pale and dark beers, then maybe you won't notice the rats and mice. November 13, 2016

WHAT A DRAG IT IS GETTING OLD:

So sang Mick Jagger on the Rolling Stones classic 1966 hit Mother's Little Helper. For most of us, maybe it is, but Jagger, in his own strange way is trying to defy the laws of time.

This week, he became a father for the 8th time. Having 8 kids is unusual enough, but having 8 spread out over 46 years is entire different story all together. And having one at 73 years of age is just plain strange. Maybe it's not politically correct to say so, but it just is.

Bottom line here is that Mick Jagger now has a son who is younger than his great granddaughter. Let that roll around in your head for a little while. December 11, 2016

I had a beef with Mr. Zulu from Star Trek. In my defense, that commercial came on like 20 times 

Oh, and one more thing... I was at my in-laws house watching the pregame show and that Pizza Hut Commercial with George Takei kept coming on. Note to Mr. Takei: I somehow made it through the 70's, 80's and 90's without hearing from you, now you clog up my Facebook feed, in addition to that annoying Pizza Hut commercial. Please boldly go back to where no man has gone before and leave me alone. February 5, 2017



A year later, he ordered a cheeseburger in Sicily 

To complete the Postie experience, I took Tim to Langan's for lunch. This is what we call a work in progress. Our man went to an Irish pub and ordered a pizza. An Irish pub in Manhattan and ordered a pizza. Like I said, we're working on it. March 5, 2017


OUT AND PROUD: Barry Manilow!!! Also the night I confessed I was a fan of his 

      Several news outlets the other day took a few minutes out of their Donald Trump coverage to report that the great Barry Manilow was singing to the world that he's gay and has been in a relationship with his manager Gary Keif for several years. He said that he kept his sexuality a secret all this time because he didn't want to disappoint his fans.

      I don't mean to make light of this, but if even an idiot like me could figure out that Manilow was gay, I'm sure most of the intelligent world had it figured out as well.

       And while I understand that for non famous people, the idea of revealing your sexuality could be difficult depending on your upbringing, the one area of society where nobody truly gives a $h-t who you are sleeping with is show business. I mean, did Barry Manilow really think he was going to lose one single fan because he came out? Sorry folks, I'm not buying it.

        Shoot, I can relate to the time I first came out.....as a Barry Manilow fan! It was dangerous times for me to do so. It was right around this time of year, my senior year of high school. Patti-Ann and Joann were trying to set up friends of theirs with each other. The girl was friends with PA and the guy, was friends with Joann (and with me as well). I don't know how it came up, but Patti-Ann's friend asked if anyone besides her liked Barry Manilow. I said that one of my favorite songs when I was little was Copacabana. Everyone in the car (and there were like 8 of us squeezed into a 5 passenger car) laughed at me. I didn't care. And this was before we all started going out and drinking. Dancing to Copacabana at a bar with half a load on is what makes life worth living.

But I like a lot of his stuff. Daybreak, It's a Miracle, his version of Let's Hang On (originally done by the Four Seasons) hell, even Mandy and I Write the Songs (a song he didn't write BTW) are good.

I'm glad he got this off his chest. I'm sorry he felt he had to wait. I still have no clue as to why this was news. April 9, 2017


I don't usually do teacher sleeps with student stories, but this one was crae crae

A former high school football player testified in a Louisiana courtroom that he not only kicked it to TWO teachers, he had them in a menage-a-trois!

When the now 19 year old student was 16, he began an affair with his English teacher, Shelly Dufresne. After their first roll in the hay, she set up a FB account under the name Madison Mexicano, (which overtakes Carlos Danger as the funniest fake name for sex I've heard) Dufresne chose the name because she thought the kid was Mexican. In fact, he testified that he resented the fact that she called him Mexican because he is in fact half Colombian.

But it didn't bother him enough to end the affair.

In fact they ramped things up by bringing in another English teacher, 26 year old Rachel Respess, for a threesome.

The whole thing began to go south when the dumb a$$ football star took some photos to show off to his teammates. It didn't take long for the word to get to the school's administration and the cops made the arrests in October, 2014.

The defense has tried to get the former student prosecuted for taking pictures of the teachers while they slept and have said that the sex couldn't have taken  place because the teen "couldn't get an erection."

One would think that if that last part was going to be these gal's defense, they'd better be prepared to go up the river. (He was found not guilty). April 30, 2017


Reminiscing about grammar school

On line this week, a few of my St. Mary's classmates were discussing our 5th Grade trip to Philadelphia. Of course as it usually happens many funny stories came up and a few horror stories. As Keri DeAngelo pointed out,

"We went to school under a trestle, a block from a strip club and a no tell-motel/homeless shelter. We never needed street cred!

So you think one of us geniuses would have come up with this idea 35 years or so ago...

Ava Bell, an 11 year old girl from Glasgow, Scotland suggested on a student feedback form that her teacher violated the Geneva Convention by collectively punishing the class for one person's misbehavior. According to the BBC Online....

Asked what her teacher could do better, Ava Bell wrote: "Not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 Genva [sic] Conventions it is a war crime."

That's right folks, little Ava essentially called her teacher a war criminal.
St. Mary's was the capital of collective punishment. June 11, 2017


Gettin Jiggy with it

VOYEURISM- Hot Sheets Hotel Downtown

A housing complex on the Lower East Side last week complained that patrons of the new hotel across the street, the Public House, are putting on shows you would normally catch at the local brothel.

Several residents claimed that guests are doing the wild thing in plain view of the outside world. According to DNA Info.com, the hotel has floor to ceiling windows and getting it on in those windows is not only allowed but encouraged by the hotel administrators.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but if I were younger and single, I'd move to that housing complex in a minute. You get to live in the city, for a reasonable price and you don't have to pay for HBO or Skinemax.

It calls to mind when the SkyDome first opened in Toronto, and a couple was caught having sex during a Blue Jays game. Many people suggested that they rename the SkyDome the same name of the previous place the Blue Jays played.

Exhibition Stadium.
August 6, 2017



More Proud Parenting Moments

We got Tim a bike for his birthday. He had one several years ago with training wheels on it that he outgrew. He didn't really express any desire to learn to ride again till recently.

So we got him a fairly large bike with no training wheels. And it was up to me to get him riding. We practiced a bit near Tara's parent's house, but that was a struggle. So I took him last weekend to Oceanside Park, where there was some grassy areas, hoping he'd be less afraid to fall if he had a softer landing. He started to get it, but I noticed that he was pushing hard on the pedals and not gaining much speed in the grass. So I moved him back to the concrete sidewalk in the park. And bam! He was off and riding.He gets the overwhelming majority of the credit, but I'm putting this one in the W column for me too.


And Proud Neighbor Moments

On September 8, a 14 year girl here in Oceanside was hit by a car and was very seriously injured.

She has a long road ahead for recovery, but because we have such awesome people in this town, the road may be somewhat easier.

Looms for Lara, was started by our friends the McNeils. Timmy's friend Vanessa McNeil led a group of kids in making and selling bracelets and lemonade, with all proceeds going to help Lara. If ever the news gets you down, think of kids like these and know our future is in very good hands.


Timmy went bowling with his friends Melanie and Leah while I stayed home and watched the Jets a) lose to the Patriots because they were b) screwed by the refs

When our friends dropped Timmy off after his play date, the dad asked me how the Jets did, I told him not to read my Facebook page with all the F bombs I dropped, he might not let his daughter near Timmy or his psycho father again. October 15, 2017

I've made a lot of screw ups as a dad, this was not one of them

I signed Timmy up for the Cub Scouts.

The den leader of Timmy's pack is one of my JPaul's drinking buddies, so Timmy said he wanted to give it a shot and so far it's been awesome. This last meeting he used a pocketknife to make a wooden boat that he got to race on Saturday afternoon. He won a couple of races but didn't qualify for the finals. He was bummed (he takes losses only slightly better than I do) but he still had a blast.

October 22, 2017

Fun on the airlines 

A 48 year old woman and a 28 year old man were arrested and received citations after they were caught, well, I'm trying to put this in a way that I don't get in trouble.. aw the hell with it, the 48 year old was blowing the 28 year old.

The in flight hummer took place on a Los Angeles to Detroit Delta flight on October 29. Officials say the two were total strangers before the flight. So I guess that's one way to make friends.

November, 2017


First I said this...

For one thing, NBC's coverage is a joke. First of all, I don't get it with Matt Lauer. He's not particularly handsome or funny or much of anything, yet he's like the highest paid person on TV. I literally sit there and say to myself, "I could do what he does, and do it for a lot less money." And trust me, I'm not so arrogant as to think I can do any job on TV better, but his I could definitely do.


And then, this happened....

Someone at NBC must have been listening to me, because just a mere 3 days after I posted the above words, Today show host Matt Lauer was given the boot by the network. The fact that he was not only untalented but also a perverted creep to boot made his ascent to the top of the TV world even more baffling than it already was.



The End of the World ? 

OK, so we don't know when it's going to happen, but after this week, and at the risk of annoying my Lord and Savior, I think we have a pretty good idea of how.  
Hawaii governor David Ige confessed last week that the reason he waited 17 minutes to alert his constituency that the nuclear missile headed towards his state was nonexistent was that he forgot his Twitter password.
According to CNN, Governor Ige knew within two minutes that the alert sent out was a false alarm but he was unable to tweet out the correction.

"I have to confess that I don't know my Twitter account login and passwords... I will be putting that on my phone." Ige told reporters last Monday.

And there it is folks. THAT's how the end of the world is going to happen. Somebody, somewhere is going to forget their password and the end will be upon us. Mark my words and take it to the bank. (Though it will obviously be too late to collect).

January 2018

Predictions gone Wrong Part 4 

Several outlets have reported that the Jets are most interested in Baker Mayfield, which is fine, except I don't really think they needed to move up to get him. Sam Darnold is probably headed to Cleveland, the Giants will probably take the running back, the Colts with Andrew Luck don't need a QB, Cleveland at 4 wouldn't take a second QB, and the Broncos will probably take Allen, since he's a big armed QB like the man who will draft him, John Elway was. So at 6, they would have their choice of Rosen, Mayfield or Jackson. And again, I have absolutely no doubt that the Colts are going to use one of the picks the Jets traded to them to draft a Hall of Famer. Y'all read that here first.

April 2018



Mickey Callaway got fired last month (Part One)

When I was a kid and would be playing baseball (or some variation of it) on the beach in Rockaway, every once in a while someone would try to bat out of order. Someone on the other team would yell out "Hey, no CBO's!"

As I was heading out of my office on Wednesday for lunch, I got an ESPN alert that read:
"Mets bat out of order in the first inning vs Reds to end potential rally."

And I really thought someone was playing a joke on me. I thought "How on earth could that even happen in a Major League baseball game?" I don't even remember that happening while playing CYO, where the only place the lineup was kept was the book. There wasn't a billion dollar scoreboard in center field telling you who was up, what their slash line was and if they preferred David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar.

It wasn't until I turned the radio on and got the explanation from Howie Rose and Josh Lewin that manager Mickey Calloway had written out two lineup cards and submitted the wrong one that it started to make sense. But even still wrapping my head around this one was tough. May 2018

My Book review of Keith Hernandez autobiography

My only real beef with the book is that he gets as far as the 1980 season, which is three years prior to his being traded to the Mets. But the stories he does tell are captivating. I won't give anything away here, but I will offer this bit of friendly advice.. If you are planning on having sex with Mr. Hernandez, I would strongly recommend you bring protection and that your immunizations are up to date. (jus sayin)


My $0.02

For the record:

I think they should have served Sarah Sanders at the Red Hen.

I also think they should have baked the cake for those two dudes who were getting married.

I also think Joe Biden should have been able to get cookies at that bakery in Virginia.

I understand that you want to make a statement, but I'm not sure turning people away is the answer.

If I was a business owner, I'd try to avoid serving skinheads, white supremacists, al-Qaeda, ISIS and Bill Bellichick. Everyone else, I figure even if I don't like them, I'm still taking their money.


Useless knowledge

 I nearly drove off the road when I heard Senator Whitehouse ask Brett Kavanaugh what "ralphing" referred to.  I was like Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter on that one..."oooh oooh ooooh, I know!"  That means to throw up.



Strange Election News


And finally the most outside the box voting award goes to the people in Nevada's 36th Assembly district, who voted in Denis Hof, a brothel owner and reality TV star. If that's not far out enough for you, Assemblyman-elect Hof has been dead since October 16.

From Taxi: Season 1 Episode 19. 

Louie DePalma: Um Ben Goretski is the shop steward. Ben? Ben Goretski to the cage.
John Burns: I never heard of him.
Alex Rieger: That's because he's been dead for two years.
Louie: Never mind, Ben.
Bobby Wheeler: Wow, looks like we're going to have to elect a new one.
Elaine Nardo: Oh, I nominate Alex.
Alex: Oh, come on, now, Elaine.
Louie:All right. All those in favor of Alex being our new shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Alex: Wait a minute! Look, I don't want to be the shop steward.
Louie: We can't force him into it.
Tony Banta: Well, why don't we just let Ben Goretski keep doing it? He's been doing a good job.
Louie: All those in favor of keeping Ben Goretski as our shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Louie: The ayes have it. Ben if you can hear me, congratulations.


Christmas Gift Ideas

According to the London Sun, three women in Australia are wanted for stealing $600.00 worth of sex toy merch from an adult store. (as opposed to lets say Walmart)


The owner of the Perth based Libido Adult Super Store, Garry Smith, told the paper that his store loses close to $2.5k every 6 months because of theft. His in store camera managed to capture footage of three women stealing, amongst other things 4 best selling vibrators, and my personal favorite, the Come Hither Rabbit Sex Toy valued at $280.00 (a bargain at any price if you ask me.)




I just liked this headline

 Gase! How low can you go?

Let me start off by saying although I was none to sorry to see the Todd Bowles Era end here in New York, I felt bad that they didn't even let the poor schmuck get on the plane home from Foxborough before they announced he was canned. Used to be they called the Monday after the regular season ended "Black Monday" because they announced all the firings then. Not anymore, now they don't even let the coach take his post game shower.

But it had to be done. More importantly, the replacement had to be a slam dunk. So what do the Jets go out and do?

Hire a guy who himself just got fired after posting a losing record.

The Dolphins weren't quite as eager to run Adam Gase out of Miami as the Jets were to run Bowles out of NY, but it was damn close. And at least the Jets all seem to like Bowles, though you'd be hard pressed to tell with the way they played this year. The Fish all pretty much hated Gase and admitted they quit playing for him.-January 2019


Things that make you go ewww 

What you don't know ........

 Rishab Malhotra of Stockton CA had a milkshake delivered from Cold Stone Creamery via Door Dash. Everything was cool till the next day when Rishab's father checked the video and saw the delivery dope sipping the milkshake.

yyyeeeewww! How gross! I don't believe there is justifiable homicide, but delivery people who drink out of their customer's cups? That might qualify. Especially in California


Just asking....

Tim Williams aka that creepy looking dude from the Trivago commercials, was arrested for DWI in Texas last week. I don't mean to make light of something as serious as DWI, but couldn't he have just ordered himself a hotel room?



ADVENTURES IN DOGSITTING

A San Francisco woman who used the website Wag.com tom hire a dog-sitter ended up with a home made porno for her trouble.


Rosie Brown told Casey Brengle that she had a dog food dispenser/doggie cam on the kitchen counter.

Despite having that information, Brengle...

1) had her boyfriend over and took him into the master bedroom, where Brengle claims they did not have sex. There were multiple scenes of Brengle and her man playing tonsil hockey however.

2) walked around the apartment in her birthday suit. While she didn't do this with her boyfriend around, she did sit her bare a$$ down on the couch. yeesh!

3) had her parents over to the apartment, which if that was the only thing she did wrong, is probably;y not the worst thing in the world. But still is a no-no according to the Wag contract. And why would her parents think going over to a client's apartment was a good idea?

This is my favorite 4) she called Daisy "a bitch" after she saw her playing rough with Penny. And THAT"S what she feels guilty about.

Maybe this is another case of me not getting with the times, but isn't bitch another term for a female dog? Or was that phased out during the #metoo movement?



We don't need no education. At least not from these people


First there was the teacher in Bay County Florida who wrote "WTF is this?" on the top of a students homework.

I had a couple of teachers that dropped F-bombs, but none of them were dumb enough to write them on our homework or tests. That's just asking for trouble. And of course, the kid's mother is demanding apologies and reprimands. and is no doubt consulting with their team of attorneys.
I.m curious to see what the hell work this kid turned in to provoke such potty mouth. But I guess that's besides the point.

Next we head to Gary, Indiana where a teacher gave an 11 year old autistic child a trophy as most annoying male. What's worse, the father, who deserves a trophy himself for Mr. Rogers-like restraint, left the trophy there, the teacher chased after him and said "Wait, you forgot your trophy."

Talk about WTF!

This would be cruel to do to any 11 year old child, much less one with special needs. And again God bless this poor baby's parents.  If they did that to my child, the teacher would have to have said trophy removed from their a$$. And since both Tara and I work at the two closest hospitals to Tim's school, that might pose a problem.

Finally we have the 4 teachers in Akron, Ohio who allegedly were doing jello shots during school hours. This one I can almost forgive. I mean, I hear some of the horror stories these poor teachers have to deal with and I think a three martini lunch should be in order.


OK, if you're still with me here, I thank you. I'm sure I have some stuff I wrote that was amusing, but I'll just leave this here. Again, thank you so much for taking a few minutes each week to read, I hope you enjoy it, even if you don't always agree.  As you can see, I'm not always right and my thinking can evolve. So please feel free to comment, good bad or ugly.




Here's to another 200!

Weekly Mail October 27, 2019

Editors Note: Due to technical difficulties, we were unable to publish last week. Here is last week's post, which admittedly is mostly old news at this point...




Was a rough week to be a sports fan here in New York, and not just for my teams either.

Check it..

SUNDAY (MORNING)

Houston Astros 6 Yankees 4

Had the pleasure of riding home on the LIRR with a train full of angry Yankee fans who spent the night in various Manhattan watering holes trying to cheer the Bronx Bombers to a ALCS game 7, only to have their hopes dashed by Jose Altuvie.

I already recapped that on last weeks blog, but I wanted to address something that came up after Aroldis Chapman gave up the game winner. Many Yankee fans were not only pissed that Chapman gave up the season ending dinger, but that he appeared to be laughing about it after it happened.

Listen, I get it. I have no right to defend any relief pitcher after some of the things I suggested be done to Edwin Diaz, Jerys Familia and all the other arsonists in the Mets bullpen. But lets be honest, does anyone really think that look on Chapman's face was anything other than "Why me God? Why ME!?" I mean that's what I took out of that. That wasn't a smile of "Oh, well" That was a painful smile of "where's the nearest rock I can crawl under?"

I could be wrong, but I doubt it. You wanna get on him, for blowing it? Have at it. But to think he was laughing it off? I can't see it.*

SUNDAY (AFTERNOON)

Arizona Cardinals 27 Giants 21

When the Giants drafted Daniel Jones with their first round draft pick last April, many people gave Big Blue a hard time (yours truly included) for drafting him so high when they most likely could have gotten him with their second first round pick. (Or even drafted another QB).

Then when coach Pat Schurmur replaced Eli Manning with Jones, and Jones had two solid games, suddenly everybody was praising Jones as a steal, and acting as if someone else had written all those nasty stories.

But then Jones spit the bit against the Vikings, and again last week against the Cards, and once again the panic set in. Better get Eli back in there. Why did we draft this bum?

It's a classic overreaction.

He's probably not as good as he looked when he won his first two games (sorry Phil Mushnick) I'm sure he's not as bad as he played against the Cardinals. It's only like his 5th NFL start, maybe we should give the kid a chance? There's a novel idea, no? Give a 22 year old QB a chance to develop and learn. You saw what he is capable of when he is on his game. Why screw with that. It's like Keri DeAngelo says. "That's why we can't have nice things around here."


SUNDAY (AFTERNOON-PART II)

Vancouver Canucks 3-Rangers 2

I didn't see much of this game, but from what I saw in the third period, they gave the Canucks a good game. Problem was they sleptwalked through the first two periods. I know this is a young team and that expectations are low, but if they had played the whole game like they did in the third, they may have pulled it out. Anyway, I'm not that concerned about the Rangers yet. Alas I had bigger issues on my plate. Namely...


MONDAY NIGHT

New England Patriots 33 Jets 0

Quick aside here.... A man from England who my dad used to work with at Chase was visiting the US, so my parents invited him and his wife over for dinner on Sunday. One of the things he wanted to experience was a live NFL Game. Unfortunately the closest he could come was going to a Jet game.

Of the thousands of games that have been played over the years, the one game this poor visitor from across the pond got to see was that monstrosity against that scumbag Bill Bellichick and the Pats, or as I like to call them, the gift that keeps on giving.

But again, as with the Giants, I'm not going to take Sam Darnold to the woodshed, even though he played an absolutely awful game. Somebody actually said on the FAN the other day (I wish I could find the clip) you know Luke Falk actually played better against the Pats then Sam Darnold did." Really? Then by all means, bring him back! At least whenever we play the Pats.

Yeah Darnold ticked me off with those throws that seemed to go right into the numbers of the Patriots, but guess what? That defense has made much more experienced QB's than Darnold look bad. That's why they've won half a dozen Super Bowls in the past 20 years.




TUESDAY NIGHT

Arizona Coyotes 3 Rangers 2

Phoenix, Arizona, known throughout the world as an ice hockey mecca. Their team came in the Garden on Tuesday night and beat the Rangers in OT 3-2. Again, it's early in the season, they are technically still rebuilding and the schedule maker didn't do them any favors, but with all that's going on in the world, sports and otherwise, I have to ask..

The Arizona Coyotes? Seriously?


WEDNESDAY NIGHT

San Antonio Spurs 120 Knicks 111

Actually this wasn't all bad news. RJ Barrett, the Knicks heralded number 3 overall draft pick, made his NBA debut and dropped 21 on 9-13 from the field. Still it was a gentle reminder that there are going to be a lot more of these than W's this season. Also, the Nets lost which was good. And Kyrie Irving is quickly becoming one of my least favorite players. Another trash talker who doesn't back it up nearly enough.


THURSDAY MORNING.

Had just settled into work when I got this notification on my phone...

The Jets getting their doors blown off was bad enough, the Rangers losing to that hockey powerhouse the Coyotes was bad enough. I'm not expecting anything from the Knicks either.

But for f-cks sake, the Mets not only let the manager who was a perfect fit for them walk to another team, the team they let him walk to is in the same freakin division!

There was no good reason for the Mets not to make Joe Girardi their new manager. And if the reasons he was not hired were he's too expensive and/or he's not compatible with Brodie Van Wagenen, then I repeat there were no good reasons not to make him the new manager.

I saw this and I was fuming!

And the scary thing? They can make this a lot worse. How?

They can hire Carlos Beltran to be the manager. That seriously might put me over the edge.

I'm not going to speculate now, or get myself more worked up than I already am.. At this point, I'm hoping they hire Derek Shelton from the Twins. Tim Bogar is another useless ex-Met. Eduardo Perez might not be a bad choice. Only Bogar managed albeit for a few games, and none of them have manged a team to the playoffs.

There was someone out there who did. But the Phillies hired him.

Unreal.


THURSDAY NIGHT

Rangers 6 Buffalo Sabres 2

I'm glad the Rangers won. Too bad I'm still fuming at the Mets over Joe Girardi.


FRIDAY NIGHT-Nets beat Knicks

It's going to be a loong season at the Garden


You know what New York team didn't have a bad week? The New York Islanders, who are on a 6 game winning streak (going into Sunday's game against the Flyers). The New York Islanders at this moment, are New York's best chance at winning a championship sometime soon.

Wow.


MEDICINE: Home Brew

Doctors at Richmond University Medical center say that a North Carolina man wasn't bull$hitting when he claimed that he hadn't been drinking after being arrested for DWI.

Turns out medication he was taking to treat an infected thumb was causing his body to ferment alcohol in his stomach. What's more, his was not the first case of this rare condition.

Auto brewery syndrome AKA gut fermentation syndrome, is a condition where yeast in the stomach turns carbohydrates into alcohol. So you end up getting schnockered without going out on a pub crawl or stocking up from the local liquor store.

But it must suck when you're on the wagon and you get pulled over for a DWI.

A quick perusal on Google turned up a few cases over the years. The doctors on Staten Island have come up with some effective treatments for the condition.

That's good. I prefer to get smashed the old fashioned way.


BREAKING NEWS: ISIS Leader Killed

Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, leader of the terrorist group ISIS, blew himself up when surrounded by US Special forces during a raid on Saturday night in Syria. President Trump confirmed all this during a White House speech Sunday morning.

Obviously, any time you can eliminate someone who has caused as much death and destruction as this animal did, it's a good thing. Some of the things this evil bastard oversaw were stomach  churning. Bombings, beheadings etc.  I can't imagine this guy is anywhere else but on an express train to hell.

And while I give the President credit for green lighting the mission,  he also as is his wont,  ruined what should have been a moment for all of us to be proud.

First of all, I can't imagine that our special ops really wanted him to give so many details as he did about the operation. Hearing him go on reminded of the scene in Airplane! where Ted Striker (Robert Hays) is telling his girlfriend Elaine Dickinson (Julie Haggerty) about a mission he's about to go on.

               

                   My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage                         depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar. 

                   When will you be back?

                    I can't tell you that. It's classified. 



And then to really ruin the mood, he proceeds to claim that taking out Al-Baghdadi was a bigger deal than killing Osama Bin-Laden.

"This is the biggest there is. This is the worst ever. Osama Bin Laden was big, but Osama Bin-Laden became big with the World Trade Center. This is a man who built a whole, as he would like to call it, a country,"


I know, I know, at this point it shouldn't surprise me. But love him or loathe him, I have to ask my Trump supporter friends, especially those that live in NYC, if it bothers them that the President trivializes 9/11 when he says the mission he ordered was bigger and better than the mission that brought down Bin Laden? Because it sure bothers me

A lot.


Next week, we'll have a special for our 200th blogpost

Have a Great Week




*And again, I didn't have a horse in this race, so as bad as I may have felt for some of my Yankee friends and family, I wasn't nearly as miserable as I would have been if this was a Met closer. And can I say honestly that if Edwin Diaz gave up a playoff series losing home run and had the same look on his face, that in my rage I wouldn't make the same accusation? No. No I couldn't. Doesn't mean its right in either case.