Weekly Mail November 25, 2018

    There is a large strip mall right across the street from my condo complex. Usually, when I am heading out for work, it's dark and empty. There's a Children's Place and a Mandee's that I can see from my stoop. They just opened an Old Navy there.

But when I came out my door early Friday morning, all the lights were on and the lot was half filled. Black Friday had struck Oceanside.

When I was growing up, Black Friday (which it wasn't called back then) was just an offshoot of Thanksgiving. Now, it's the other way around. Rocky Balboa once said, "To you (it's Thanksgiving), to me it's Thursday." Pretty soon, it's going to be known as Black Friday Eve. I'm surprised it's not already.

Sad.


The first (and to be honest only) story I heard about Black Friday violence was a shooting at a mall in Hoover, Alabama, and this one is all sorts of horrible.

Two men were involved in a brawl and one of them pulled a gun. One of the brawlers, an 18 year old male, and a 12 year old innocent bystander, were hit. What's worse, the cops believed they shot down the gunman, only to find out the man they killed was not the shooter, but an active duty army engineer home on leave from Sri Lanka.

And this wasn't even early Friday morning. It was 9:30 Thursday night.

Happy Thanksgiving America!





HOCKEY: To Lose for Hughes?

This was supposed to be a rebuilding year for the Rangers, but after finally beating those bums from Brooklyn (by way of Long Island) Wednesday night, they found themselves tied for first place in their division.

They then proceeded to play two stinkers in a row, getting shutout by the Flyers and blowing a two goal lead to the defending champion Caps.

So are the Rangers contenders or pretenders? That is the question.

It's hard to sit there and watch your team and root for them to lose. It's one of the reasons I try (and usually fail) to avoid watching the Jets at all costs. Losing so they would be in a position to draft a potential franchise QB was probably in their best interests, but who wants to sit through a Sunday afternoon in November thinking about that?

Same thing applies here. The consensus top rated prospect in next years NHL draft is a kid named Jack Hughes. As a 16 year old last year, he put up some unbelievable numbers. They are comparing him with Oilers star Connor McDavid, who led the league in scoring last year as a 20 year old.

I know the inherent dangers of tanking so that you get a shot at a phenom, and does Madison Square Garden really need both it's winter franchises mailing it in?

Rangers coach, David Quinn, for one isn't tolerating it. He's got no issues nailing someone's a$$ to the bench if they aren't playing well.

I guess what I really hope is either they straighten out after these two losses and make a strong playoff run, or they fall apart and take a shot at this kid. The worst case scenario is they barely make the playoffs and get knocked out in the first round, or worse, they get eliminated from playoff contention right as the season ends and end up with the 10 or 11th pick in the draft.


VERMIN: Grilled Rat: (warning: maybe skip this if you are planning on eating anytime soon)

State Health Inspectors in Hawaii closed down a Teddy's Bigger Burger in Honolulu after video emerged on two workers frying a rat on the grill.

At least one worker has already been fired and another is being investigated.

As disgusting as this sounds, perhaps we can think outside the box on this one.

If you are a rat, and you see one of your own being fried to death, might you think twice about heading into that particular burger joint?  If it were me, I'd go try to find a McDonald's or Burger King, some place where they have good old fashioned traps.

Maybe these workers were thinking long term. Sending the rest of Hawaii's rat population a message, "Come in to Teddy's Big Burger, face a horrifyingly painful death!"

I don't blame folks for not wanting to eat there, but then again, who the hell goes to Hawaii for a hamburger?


That's all I got folks

Have a Great Week

Weekly Mail November 18, 2018

Hi There:

Last Wednesday night I attended a wake in Rockaway for a family friend.

I've gotten to a point in my life where wakes and weddings are the only places I get to catch up with people from a certain time in my life. It's one of those cruel twists of life that someone dying can bring so many people together.

I got to see some friends of mine I hadn't seen in years. Social media has kept some of us in touch, but not in person. As sad as the situation was, it was good to see them all. And I told them that.

It's cliche, and I felt as much of a dork saying it as I probably looked to the people I was saying it to, but on the other hand, I thought about the good times I had with all of them. And there were plenty of good times.

But life is what it is. Most of us live in different places now. Many of us have kids and our new friends are the parents our kids friends. New responsibilities new worries.

We were talking about getting a bunch of us together next summer and having a beach reunion. Just hanging out one weekend down in Rockaway like we did when we were kids. It's a nice thought, and it would be awesome if we pulled it off, but the chances are slim that we could.

I had dinner with Karl (the Ace) Ludwig and (Razor) Ray McGarvey on Friday night and that was cool. No wake, no funeral, no wedding, just getting together and having some laughs. Those nights are few and far between as well, but we try to get together at least a few times a year.

As Thanksgiving approaches, at a time where it's been pretty damn tempting to say What do I have to be thankful for? I can look back at the friends I have made, and the family that I have and despite the pain, realize I have been very blessed in my life. I'm sorry it had to take another wake to help me realize that, but as they say, He works in mysterious ways.


On that note, we press on...



BASEBALL: deGromination!

So I've been going back and forth on this.... Should I spend my time praising Jacob deGrom for winning a well deserved Cy Young award, or should I blast away at the one yutz in San Diego who didn't give deGrom a first place vote?

John Maffei of the San Diego Union Tribune gave his first place vote to Nationals star Max Scherzer.  It goes without saying that I am biased for my man Jake, but was Maffei out of line for voting for Scherzer?

I have to be honest, I thought the voting would be closer. I thought more than one writer would look at deGrom's 10-9 record and say that was too few wins for a Cy Young Award. Scherzer and Phillies starter Aaron Nola both had very good years. In any other year I'd say Scherzer in particular was deserving.  300 strikeouts, a WHIP of 0.91, 18 wins. Those are fantastic numbers.

Also, critics of Maffei are saying that he "not embracing analytics." When I hear analytics, I think of Billy Beane, Moneyball and those obnoxious baseball executives with their Ivy League degrees. You all know how I feel about these geeks right? I say if you are smart enough to use math to figure out baseball, you should use that talent for something important, like curing cancer or ending world hunger or keeping the world out of war. Let us dopes who watch a lot of baseball and aren't particularly bright run the teams.  Jeff Pearlman spent a lot of time in his USFL book saying how commissioners from Pete Rozelle right up to Roger Goodell vowed to never let Donald Trump have a football team. I say give him a football team, or a baseball team, (preferably the Braves or the Patriots) let him screw those teams up. Let one of these baseball analytics nerds run the country. If Maffei has a problem with analytics, well guess what so do I.

And having said all that, John Maffei can go bleep himself.

First of all did anybody get a load of the column he wrote for his paper explaining his vote? I'll post it  here , but let me give you the cliff notes on this one.. He gave deGrom props for a fantastic season but then says

...the Mets did a great job sending out his facts and figures. Obviously, a 1.70 ERA over 217 innings is a fabulous accomplishment. But he had 10 wins and nine losses.

Yes, the Mets were a bad club, offensively and defensively. He didn't get run support. One emailer pointed out that if the Mets had scored two runs in DeGrom's starts, he would have been 20-6; three runs would have been 25-1; four runs 30-0.

But you know what they say about ifs and buts. 

That's condescending enough, but this is where I blow my stack...

I spoke with Randy Jones, a man I greatly respect. He was 22-14 with a bad Padres team in 1976 and won the Cy Young Award.

In that conversation, Randy said, "Wins are the most important thing in the game. You need to pitch to the run support you get, whether that's one, two, three or 12.”

I hate Randy Jones. Hate hate hate. Why?


Let's put aside for a moment the idiotic comment, "you have to pitch to your run support" When you are shutting out the other team, and your team can't score, you can't pitch any better than that, right? Forget that. Here's my real beef..


June 22, 1982. Shea Stadium. I was 8 years old. I went to the game with Bob Reilly, his son Michael and one of Mike's friends. Before the game we got autographs from several Mets, including current Tigers skipper Ron Gardenhire-who was awesome, George Foster (who wasn't), and Craig Swan, then the Mets ace. I asked Swan if he was pitching that night, he said "No tomorrow. Randy Jones is pitching tonight.

I can post the  box score that will back me up when I tell you that Randy Jones walked the ballpark that night. I actually don't think he threw one strike.  He faced 4 Montreal Expos that night and walked them all. Baseball reference says he was 7-10 in 1982 and 1-8 in 1981. I have no idea how he won 7 games in 1982, I just remember he was awful.

And the year he won the Cy Young Award with the Padres, he also lost 14 games. And talk about a travesty, the second place vote getter that year, 1976 was Mets lefty Jerry Koosman, who had 1 less win, but 4 fewer losses, a lower ERA, and 107 more strikeouts. Shoot, there were three other pitchers that year more deserving than Jones: Koosman, Don Sutton of the Dodgers, and Tom Seaver.

Randy Jones, puhleeeeze! I'd take pitching advice from Star Jones before I'd quote that hump.

To make matters worse, (and he references this in his column,) Maffei came on the FAN to be interviewed ny Steve Somers, only to hang up on him when he felt Somers was breaking his chops too much. Fellow Postie Andrew Marchand actually took Maffei's side on this one, saying Maffei couldn't have known Somers,  unlike someone like Craig Carton or Mike Francesa, was just having some fun. Baloney! Maffei was just a thin skinned fraud who obviously hates New York, like so many other people.

I feel bad that I'm focusing more one a-hole in San Diego than Jacob DeGrom himself, who was the only Met worth the price of admission this year. A 1.70 ERA, and 28 consecutive games allowing 3 or fewer runs are just mind blowing stats. That's what I should be focused on.

But what fun would that be? Besides what do you expect from an evil New Yorker like myself?



MOTHER NATURE- is really pissed off at us.

Snow in New York City (and the nearby burbs) anytime before New Year's Day should banned by the Geneva Convention. It took me nearly an hour from the time I left my office till I got home on Thursday. That's a trip that usuuly takes no more than 15-20 minutes.

And I still had it easy. I heard horror stories of commutes lasting 7-9 hours. I got home from Italy quicker than some people got home from work on Thursday. I can't even blame my usual punching bag Bill (the dope from Park Slope) DeBlasio for this, because nobody was prepared for what happened. The fearless weather forecasters all said a dusting to a couple of inches, and we ended up with half a foot. Thankfully warmer temps and rain washed most of it away by the next day, but the damage was done.

Still this was a Sunday stroll through the park compared to what is going on in California.  That's just heartbreaking. I saw several celebrities lost their homes, including Miley Cyrus, Gerard Butler and Lady GaGa, and while it's tempting to say they all have the $$$ to rebuild, there are other people out there not in Malibu who may never be able to rebuild. I don't even know what to say to those people. Honestly, all I can do is just pray they can recover.


I know it comes off as insensitive when I suggest we all try to guess where the first report of Black Friday violence will come from, but again, in all seriousness, if they didn't hype up these sales as doorbusters, I really believe you'd avoid many of these issues. That's all I'm suggesting here.




My editorial staff is on my case to come up with more fun stories. So I think I may have found one, speaking of commerce...




CRIME-Free Love

According to the London Sun, three women in Australia are wanted for stealing $600.00 worth of sex toy merch from an adult store. (as opposed to lets say Walmart)

The owner of the Perth based Libido Adult Super Store, Garry Smith, told the paper that his store loses close to $2.5k every 6 months because of theft. His in store camera managed to capture footage of three women stealing, amongst other things 4 best selling vibrators, and my personal favorite, the Come Hither Rabbit Sex Toy valued at $280.00 (a bargain at any price if you ask me.)

So why not hire more security? Well, I think it takes a special kind of security worker to work at one of those places, would you want be known as the dildo police? My other question is why don't they hire a private dick to find the missing vibrators? (seewhatididthere?)

Smith has offered a $50.00 store voucher for any information that will lead to the arrest of the three hot crooks. Sounds like a deal, then you can get the Come Hither Rabbit Sex toy for a mere $230.00.
If anybody wants to know what to get me for Christmas... just sayin.
I might even show up at 5 AM on Black Friday to get one of those.

But I digress...


I have a favor to ask, if you are reading this on Facebook, can you give the link a like? (Or a laugh or if I said something you don't like an angry face) Used to be that the blog service I use recorded how many times the link was click on, but it's not doing that anymore, so I'm not sure if people aren't getting it. I may have to switch services, I just want to make sure it's still accessible. I'd appreciate any help on this.

Happy Thanksgiving

and Have a Great Week

Weekly Mail November 11, 2018

Hi Everyone:

Hope all is well. Onto the week that was.


POLITICS: 2018 Election Review

 After I voted on Tuesday, I said I hoped that my votes would fare better than my football picks. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.

This should come as no surprise, as many of my votes were for the heavy underdogs. My friend Fran Becker lost to the evil Todd Kaminsky 62% to 48%.  That alone was enough to put a damper on my night.

But I also went ahead and voted for Marc Malinaro over Andrew Cuomo. I figured Cuomo would win, but I was hoping that if the results were closer, that maybe he wouldn't try to rule as if he had a mandate from above. But nothing doing, Cuomo took nearly 60% of the vote. Interestingly to me, the third place winner was the Green Party candidate Howie  (the Hawk) Hawkins, who, if we were voting based on most awesome name, would have won in a landslide.

My two winners were Kirsten Gillenbrand and Kathleen Rice, neither one of whom I'm particularly fond of, but who I figured we needed to keep Captain Orange in check.

I had mentioned last week some of the races I was interested in and they all pretty much ended up in the L column for me. Lyin Ted Cruz, Slimy Bob Menendez and Alexandra-Ocasio-Cortez all won, with the latter two winning bigly. Lying Ted won a relative squeaker against Democrat Beto O'Rourke, and some were calling that a moral victory. Ask Bill Parcells what he thinks of moral victories.

Also in Georgia, there was some funny business going on with the governor's race. The GOP nominee, Brian Kemp, was also Georgia's secretary of state, leading some to believe he was messing around with the voter rolls. Count me as someone who believes you shouldn't be allowed to oversee an election you are running in. That the Democrat candidate Stacey Abrams, is trailing by a tiny margin, makes the shenanigans by Kemp even more outrageous. Look, I find it odd that I can decide the leader of the free world without showing my ID, but have to show it to my bartender when I go boozing after I vote. But from everything I've read, it seems like Kemp is screwing around here. I'm hoping Abrams pulls it out and our nation gets it's first African American female governor.

And it wouldn't be an election without some bullshit from Florida now would it? Two races, one for the Senate and one for Governor, both going to recounts. (Actually Florida is also recounting the votes in the election for agriculture secretary-which I didn't think was that important till I considered the lives of millions of oranges could be at stake here. No morning OJ? No Screwdrivers?

It always cracks me up when there is a recount and the candidate who is winning asks the one trailing to stop the recount. A spokesman for Governor Rick Scott who is leading Senator Bill Nelson by 12,562 votes, (out over 8.1 million votes cast) said "It's time for Senator Nelson to accept reality and spare the state of Florida the time, expense and discord of a recount."

Oh please STFU!

First of all, Florida lives for this stuff, so don't act like this is a drag for the citizenry down there.  Secondly, if the roles were revered, would YOU back out of a recount? Not a chance. So why waste your time? It's one thing if keep recounting, but at least one recount to see if they got it right? I got no issue with that, and if Scott is being fair, nether should he.

The race to replace Scott's successor, is also going to a recount. And Republican Ron DeSantis who is leading by a slim margin, which by law, necessitates a recount. Still, even though the machine recount is mandatory by law, DeSantis  says "the election is behind us.." Well not quite.

DeSantis also caused controversy during the campaign when he urged Floridians not to "monkey this up" by voting for Andrew Gillum, his opponent who is African American. And if DeSantis is not smart enough to know that using that term is offensive to African Americans, he's not smart enough to run a state IMHO*.

To sum it all up so we can go on to more fun stuff,




1) I'm happy the House went blue, but what does that really accomplish? On CNN the other night Jake Tapper breathlessly stated that the House can bring articles of impeachment against President Trump, not mentioning that with Republicans strengthening their grip on the Senate, he'll never be impeached. I'm not seeing this blue wave I keep hearing about.

2) I wonder how many of my fellow New Yorkers who voted for Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez because they wanted change, also gave that loudmouth Andrew Cuomo a third term as governor.

and finally the most outside the box voting award goes to the people in Nevada's 36th Assembly district, who voted in Denis Hof, a brothel owner and reality TV star. If that's not far out enough for you, Assemblyman-elect Hof has been dead since October 16.

From Taxi: Season 1 Episode 19. 

Louie DePalma: Um Ben Goretski is the shop steward. Ben? Ben Goretski to the cage.
John Burns: I never heard of him.
Alex Rieger: That's because he's been dead for two years.
Louie: Never mind, Ben.
Bobby Wheeler: Wow, looks like we're going to have to elect a new one.
Elaine Nardo: Oh, I nominate Alex.
Alex: Oh, come on, now, Elaine.
Louie:All right. All those in favor of Alex being our new shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Alex: Wait a minute! Look, I don't want to be the shop steward.
Louie: We can't force him into it.
Tony Banta: Well, why don't we just let Ben Goretski keep doing it? He's been doing a good job.
Louie: All those in favor of keeping Ben Goretski as our shop steward say "aye.
ALL: Aye! 
Louie: The ayes have it. Ben if you can hear me, congratulations.








CRIME: Alec Baldwin busted

I didn't mention this last week as I wanted to keep last week's blog strictly on the elections, but a week ago Friday, Alec Baldwin was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man in front of his East Village home over a parking space.

I don't get it with this guy.

His Donald Trump impression is not my cup of tea, and I never really watched 30 Rock, but this is a guy who really should have the world on a string right? He's a multi talented actor, married to abeautiful much younger woman, and wealthy beyond most of our imagination.

Yet, all he seems to do, when not performing, is get himself into trouble. Either with his fists or his big mouth.

There was a time a few years ago, when I was starting to feel sorry for the guy. I felt like maybe the press in this town (especially my beloved Post) should back off of him. He was a loose cannon, just let him be. He wrote a full length story in New York Magazine about how he had had it with New York and was looking to leave. Honestly, I kind of felt for him. He was protecting his wife and young kids right?

But just like he threatens to leave whenever a Republican gets elected to the White House, we New Yorkers and my fellow Americans are still stuck with his a$$. And now he pulls this stunt? For crissakes put your car in a garage like most Manhattan residents do. I mean was getting into this fracas with some nobody worth it?  This one's not on the paparazzi, this one's on you.

Jackass.

Maybe SNL can get Donald Trump to play Baldwin beating someone up. Now that the elections are over, Trump's not going to have anymore of those Saturday Night Rallies for a while, so he's got the
time on his hands.


BASEBALL: New Mets GM

Also from last week, the Mets hired Brodie Van Wagenen to replace Sandy Alderson as their GM. Even for the Mets, this one's a head scratcher.

Van Wagenen is not only a former player agent, he represented perhaps the two most important players on the roster; Jacob DeGrom and Noah Syndergaard.

Van Wagenen has stated that when it comes time to negotiate their deals, he will make like Jeff Sessions and recuse himself.

Huh?

So these two important deals are going to be left to the Wilpons to sort out? Yeah that will work out well, because it always does when those two dopes are involved.

I watched a replay of his press conference and he talked a good game, but I don't see how he's going to pull it off. Obviously, I hope I'm wrong. I thought Sandy Alderson was a good hire, but one trip to the World Series and one trip to the play-in game around 6 losing seasons wasn't anyone's idea of a great success story. I'm just not seeing it with this guy. There's too many loose ends.

Finally with today being Veterans Day, Id like to say how blessed I have been to have had several veterans in my life. Both of my grandfathers and several uncles fought in WWII, I was lucky to marry the daughter of a Bronze Star winner, and of course, my all time favorite veteran, the bravest man I know, my dad. To all who have served, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you.

Everyone else,

Have a Great Week







And again, I'm someone who usually gives the benefit of the doubt to people when they say stupid shit like that. Ron Darling was forced to apologize after he used the term "chink in the armor"  when talking about something Mashahiro Tanaka did during the ALDS. Anyone who thinks Darling who has Asian Ameircan roots, would slur Tanaka has to be a moron. DeSantis using the term monkey anywhere near Gillum though is just plain racist.

Weekly Mail November 4, 2018 (Election Special)

So with election day coming up this week, I figured I'd give my $0.02, first on the races I can vote in, and then comments on other races around the state and the country.

Let me lead off here by saying that I understand totally the idea of voting in as many Democrats as possible. I've read several editorials this week, from prominent conservatives, stressing the importance of making sure that a majority democratic congress is in place to curb President Trump's power. Believe me I get it.

But knowing that, how do we come up with some of the candidates we have here?

I'll do my part here in NY and will not vote for Chele Farley for US Senate. Not that Kirsten Gillbrand has been anything special from where I'm sitting, but I don't know enough about Farley to risk losing a critical blue vote.


Now onto the governor's race here in New York.  I'm very mixed about Andrew Cuomo. he's done some good things, but to me he talks a better game than he plays. And while he has avoided any major scandals, Albany is still riddled with corruption. Add to that his frequent feuding with the Dope from Park Slope, the consequences being the city getting shortchanged, and I find myself having a difficult time giving him a third term.

Thing is, I don't know much about his opponent, Marc Molinaro, Dutchess County Executive. I heard more about Cynthia Nixon than I have heard about Molinaro. He seems like the typical New York Republican, moderate on social issues, more to the right on economics.

Cuomo is a hothead and a blowhard. Molinaro, on the other hand, assisted a man who was having a stroke last week. It's kind of hard to make the argument that Molinaro is a Trump crony if he's doing stuff like that. Still, this will be a game time decision.


One race here on Long Island I definitely know who I'm not voting for is the State Senate 9th District. Todd Kaminsky, the incumbent is a slimeball. Two years ago, you may recall, I was down at Malibu Beach Camp for family night, when Kaminsky came over and introduced himself. I told him my name and he asked me if I had a cabana at Malibu. When I told him I was just there for family night, he literally turned around and walked away. That night and forever more, he gets the gasface from me.

I can tell you one thing..His opponent? Would never do that. I'm positive about that.

How do I know? Because he and I met before.

If you read the biography of Francis X. Becker of Lynbrook, you might be able to figure out where he and I crossed paths about 3 years ago. He's quite frankly one of the nicest men I've ever met and at the time I met him, he wasn't running for anything. He was just a good guy.

I wouldn't vote for Kaminsky if he was running unopposed. That he's running against a man I consider a friend is a double whammy.

Now onto the races I can't vote in....

When she beat Joe Crowley in the June primary, I vowed I would ceaselessly support Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez opponent Anthony Pappas. This turns out to have been a mistake.

Pappas so it seems, entered politics to reform the court system. He went through a divorce in which his ex accused him of physical abuse. he denies it and has been suing the judges in the case ever since. I don't want anything to do, with an a-hole like that.

Joe Crowley meanwhile is still on the Working Families Party ticket, and while he continues to urge voters to vote for Ocasio-Cortez, I'm sure more than a few of his supporters will vote for him on that party's line. It's not going to matter, what's done is done.  Ocasio-Cortez is going to waltz to a victory and will be the youngest member of the House in history.  I'm still and always will be a Joe Crowley man.

In New Jersey, every time I see a commercial for the Bob Menendez, Bob Hugin US Senate Race, I feel like I need to bathe. This is a prime example of what I was talking about when I asked what kind of candidates are the Dems putting up if they want to win so badly? Surely there has to be someone with a TON less baggage than Bob Menendez. I feel bad for anyone in NJ who has to decide between these two crooks.

In Texas, it looks like our old friend Lyin Ted Cruz is in a battle to retain his Senate seat. Beto O'Rorke is 3 points behind Cruz in the latest polls, closer than you would ever think in a reliably red state. That's definitely a seat I wouldn't mind seeing go blue.


It's going to be an interesting night on Tuesday. Please make sure you get out there and vote.

And Have a Great Week