Sunday, October 28, 2018
Weekly Mail October 28,2018
Hello:
Hope everyone stayed dry on Saturday. It never seemed to be raining that hard, but there were huge puddles all over the place near my house. Monday will mark the 6th anniversary of Super Storm Sandy, also on a cold gray Monday. While this nor'easter was peanuts compared to what happened that day, the huge puddles and brisk wind brought Sandy to mind. Thankfully it doesn't look like there was much in the way of damage.
In any event......
TERRORISM: Pipe Bomb Mail Attack:
None of the bombs exploded and when was the last time Barack Obama and Bill Clinton retrieved their own mail? Those were two of the arguments I heard some people using to suggest that what happened this week wasn't a domestic terrorist attack on America, specifically members and big shot supporters of the Democratic party.
And that's about as dumb a thing I've ever heard.
This was, by any way you want to define the word, terrorism. The fact that the suspect wasn't really good at making bombs doesn't cheapen the fact. If these bombs had done what they were intended to do, two ex Presidents, one Vice President, two senators, one former first lady and an academy award winner could have died. I can't even imagine the pall that would have cast over our nation.
But the thought that scares me, even more than believing something like that could happen, is that the blame game and the finger pointing would have commenced immediately. I know I've beat this drum to death, but I think it bears repeating... We were able to start to recover from 9/11 relatively quickly because we came together as a country. It didn't last really long, but long enough that we were able to heal somewhat.
Could you see that happening here? Because I can't.
And yeah, I'll lay some of the blame for this on President Trump and his brainless rantings. But I see folks on the left doing the same thing, looking to assign blame rather than deal with the issue. It's pretty obvious the person responsible for this was an unhinged extreme Trump supporter. But before they even had this guy in custody, the left was blaming Trump and the right was saying it was an extreme left setup. How about let's get this person so that nobody gets hurt. Instead you have both sides acting as this is an October Surprise.
That's the sad part of all this.
And as of course what happened in Pittsburgh was just another disgrace. I just can't even go there right now. I just don't understand the hate. I really don't.
LOTTERY: Megascam!!
Last Tuesday's Mega Millions jackpot was 1.6 billion, won by somebody in South Carolina.
I have a big nose, and it smells a scam!
You ever notice with these multistate mega lotteries reach these huge jackpots, it's almost always one winner? Millions of Americans by billions of tickets and it just so happens the winning ticket has a sole winner? It's happened too many times to be a mere coincidence.
And the winner is probably going to be a retiree who spends his days fishing and golfing, it won't be someone who really needs the $$$. I know they don't have a say over that, but I'd bet the little money I have someone running the lottery knows what state the winner is going to be in before the drawing. It's a scam. I guess the only reason I buy a ticket is on the off chance the computers malfunction and they award the money to multiple people.
Money stinks and I don't have any.-Alex Reiger (Judd Hirsch) Taxi
THIS JUST IN: Apparently the Powerball which was also a huge jackpot had two winners, one of which purchased a ticket in Harlem, Still, two winners out of all those millions. I stand by my previous statements.
BOOK REVIEW: Football for a Buck-The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL
BY: Jeff Pearlman.
Jeff Pearlman is my favorite author, and he has yet to write a book I haven't enjoyed thoroughly. And I was sure I would enjoy this one as well. But I did have a concern.
I follow his blog and his Facebook page, and he has made it abundantly clear that he is no fan of Donald Trump. Actually I'm understating this. All you people here who can't stand Trump, multiply your disgust by about 100 and you'll approach the level of anger, distrust and loathing Jeff Pearlman has for Trump.
I only bring this up because my concern was that this book was going to be page upon page of Trump bashing. And while I don't begrudge anyone of their political beliefs, I read books like his as an escape from reality.
Trump was the owner of the USFL's New Jersey Generals, and make no mistake, Pearlman lays the overwhelming majority of the blame for the failure of the USFL at Trump's feet. Trump's desire to get into the NFL was what caused him to push the other owners to move the USFL's season from spring to fall and he led the ultimately failed antitrust lawsuit against the NFL.
But thankfully, Pearlman only made that a part of the book. The rest of it was what he does best, the hysterical stories of sex drugs and partying. The shenanigans of some of the other owners. (Think John Spano's reign as Islanders owner-That had been done before apparently) The at times barbaric conditions that these guys played in. (Extreme heat in Arizona and Birmingham, painted on fields in San Antonio) Jeff Pearlman is a master story teller. This book was his masterpiece.
5 Auggies.
I was at JPaul's the other night watching Game 3 of the World Series. I told Tara I was going to stay till the end of the game then come home. It's a good thing I abandoned that plan, or else I would have been doing after hours. Not to mention I would have been more hungover on Saturday than I already was.
That said, Game 5 was happening at press time, but after what happened on Saturday night, it looks like its all over but the crying. I'll be surprised if the Bosox didn't wrap it up Sunday night. I'll be stunned if LA comes back and wins it all. This is just one of those years where one team pretty much went wire to wire. Just keep this in mind, the last time the '18 Red Sox won the World Series, they had to wait 86 years for the next one.
On that happy note
Have a Great Week
We'll have an election special next Sunday
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
Weekly Mail, October 22, 2018
Hi:
I hope you enjoyed the look back at our trip overseas. If you haven't checked it out yet, I think you will enjoy it.
Anyway time to get back to the important issues of the day.
BASEBALL: Yankees Wrap up and World Series preview.
From the sounds of what I heard after the Yanks four game elimination at the hands of Boston, it was easy to forget that they had won 100 regular season games, and were eliminated by the team with baseball best record. I realize if this happened to the Mets, I'd be just as fired up, but since the Yankees aren't my team, I can be a bit more objective.
There have been whispers that Aaron Boone may not be up for the task of manging the team, and he may not be, but can we give him more than one season? Especially a season in which (I may have mentioned this before) the team won 100 games?
I understand that coming off last season, which was a pleasant surprise for the fans, and having acquired an all world talent like Giancarlo Stanton that expectations were sky high. And they should have been. But did they come up short, or was Boston just a better team?
After watching the Sawx dismiss the defending World Champion Astros in 5 games, I really believe they are just the best team in the game. The Yanks may be second, maybe even closer than what we've seen, but you have to give the devil their due.
And that sucks, because as much as the Yankees and some of their fans (and again you all know who you are) piss me off, the idea of the entire city of Boston strutting around after one of their teams wins yet another title this century, (10 as of this writing 5 by the Patriots, 3 by the Red Sox, one each from the Celtics and Bruins) makes my hair hurt. That can't happen. Not that the Dodgers are the feel good story of the year either. They are loaded with a-holes, the likes of Manny Machado, Yasiel Puig and Justin Turner. Still I gotta pull for them, I feel like I can hear them cheering in Boston already. LA is too far away for me to care.
As for my boys, this may come as a shock, but can you imagine that people are reluctant to want to be the Mets GM? You mean the idea of running a team in a city where they are considered second banana with a couple of meddlesome owners who are clueless about the sport isn't a job guys are banging down the door to get? Nahhh!
INTERNATIONAL MURDER: Journalist Killed in Turkey.
The murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi is a horrible story, really beyond my comprehension. And there is nothing about it to make fun of. It's scary that something like this can happen in the world.
But some of the BS the Saudi's have been coming out with remind me of that loudmouth during the War in Iraq in 2003, Baghdad Bob they called him, the one who kept reporting that the war was going well for Saddam Hussein as he was being removed from power.
The Saudis say that it was a fistfight gone wrong? Really? I've seen many fistfights, even been in a few, but no fistfight I ever witnesses resulted in limbs being cut off. A black eye? A bloody nose? A fat lip? Check, check, check.
Dismemberment? Not that I can remember.
Just an awful awful story.
CELEBRITY BREAKUPS- Pete Davdison and Ariana Grande
I felt bad when I first heard this news, but to be honest, it's probably for the best.
Back in my single days, couplings like this would give me hope. If a dude that looks like that could date a gal that looks like THAT, maybe the rest of us had some hope.
But I'm not sure these two were built for the long haul anyway. Supposedly, she returned everything he gave her, except for a pet pig names Piggy Smalls. Was the world ready for these two to become 3 or more? I don't know.
But all kidding aside, Grande appears to be dealing with some PTSD from the shooting that took place at her Manchester, England concert in 2017, as well as the recent death of her ex-boyfriend. That's a lot for a young woman that age to deal with.
I thought Davidson had a couple of screws loose, but he has actually been treated for borderline personality disorder, so jumping head first into marriage is probably not in his best interests anyway. If it's any consolation to the SNL funnyman, David Spade, another SNL performer with less than marquee good looks, managed to date the likes of Heather Locklear, Lara Flynn Boyle and Carmen Electra amongst others. So hang in there bro. And keep the jokes coming. Chicks dig a solid sense of humour.
BOOK REVIEW: Greed and Glory: How Doc Gooden, Donald Trump, Lawrence Taylor, George Steinbrenner, Ed Koch, Rudy Giuliani and the Mafia Ruled New York in the 1980's
BY: Sean Deveney
Sean Deveney had written another book I enjoyed immensely: Fun City, which was about the 1969 Mets and Jets, and how their success helped propel Mayor John Lindsay to a re-election he probably didn't deserve.
That book was fun because I learned about things that happened a few years before I was born.
This book was fun because I learned about things that happened while I was alive, and either had forgotten about and/or was too young to understand.
He discussed Paul Castellano's unfortunate trip to Sparks steakhouse. He went into detail about the Parking Violations Bureau scandal that while it ultimately cost Ed Koch a 4th term as mayor, also saw several people jailed, and Queens Borough President Donald Manes commit suicide. Stanley Friedman, Bess Meyerson, all names I hadn't heard in years.
And here is something that I couldn't believe I couldn't remember.
When Leon Hess moved the Jets from Shea Stadium to the Meadowlands, he supposedly gave the city a window to come up with a plan for a new stadium for the Jets. Someone offered to build an 80,000 seat domed stadium right there in Flushing Meadow Park. There were two caveats that ultimately killed the deal. The builder wanted the season ticket holders to pay a lease on their seats. Nobody had ever heard of this practice before, now most football stadiums have them, (they are called PSL's-personal seat licenses). Leon Hess had no interest in doing that. He also had no interest in the dome being named after the builder, which was the other caveat.
No, the Jets were never going to play in the Trumpdome, neither was the team the builder owned, the New Jersey Generals, going to play there, because the city pretty much told Donald Trump to take a hike. That's one of a whole bunch of good stories in this book about the 1980's in New York, particularly in my home borough of Queens. This book was great. Highly recommended.
I think we have our first Auggies Wild book. Yep 5 auggies.
*******************************************************************************
Finally this week: In a year where it seems like there has been nothing but bad news, I got some more on Friday night, when I learned of the sudden death of one of my Post colleagues.
Elizabeth Ruby and I weren't close, I actually only met her a couple of times, but reading some of her Facebook posts, and the couple of conversations I had with her, the one thing she and I had in common was how much of a kick we got out of working at the Post.
It's going to be 15 years for me come November 6, the first day I walked into the Post's newsroom and watched how the paper was run. For those first few weeks, I was star struck. The paper I had been reading since I was a kid was now where I was working. I only got a couple of shifts at first, but I grabbed every shift I could, day or night, not only cuz I needed the $$$, but because I had never worked in a place quite like this. One of the copy editors said to me one time, "Every time I look up, it seems like you're here." He meant it as a compliment (I think)
And why wouldn't I be there as much as I could, it was the greatest show on earth.
The characters that made up the place you could write a book about. I come here once a week now, I've never had another gig like it.
Elizabeth was the same way. I just got the feeling talking to her and reading things she wrote, that she knew this wasn't like any other workplace. The great Zach Haberman once told me, "If working here stops being fun, it's time to go." Not everybody who comes here understands that.
Elizabeth Ruby did. She died this week. 29 years old.
A shame.
Laura Italiano wrote a nice story in Saturday's paper.
https://nypost.com/2018/10/19/elizabeth-ruby-post-reporter-and-shining-light-dies-at-29/
Everybody please take care,
and Have a Great (rest of the) Week
Sunday, October 21, 2018
WM in Europe Part 3: The Voyage Home
Steve Martin as Neil Page, Planes Trains and Automobiles
AUGUST 23-CEFALU & PALERMO, SICILY
My alarm went off at 4:45 AM, and I thought maybe of taking a quick dip in the pool before showering and getting dressed. I didn't, and looking back, I should have. It would have been the highlight of the day.
Salvatore was about 20 minutes late picking us up for our ride to the airport, which gave the four of us plenty of time to listen to the roosters and coyotes throughout the Cefalu countryside. When he finally got there and we got our bags in the car, he started making up for lost time.
The way I was sitting in the car, I was facing the rear window. That, the early time, and the fact that Salvatore was doing at least 90 MPH on the highway, made me feel like I was going to toss my pasta. Luckily I had some gum left over from the flight here, so that settled me down, but barely. You want to know why Italy turns out so many prolific race car drivers? Because they have to drive on narrow roads like the ones in Cefalu, then they go nuts on the highways. *
We took Lufthansa over, we were taking Swiss Air home.
We went to check in, and it was the complete opposite of when we checked in at JFK. There was a long a$$ line that wasn't moving. The guy sitting behind the desk just looked at his computer the whole time. After about 20 minutes of this, I went up to see what was going on, but a British guy beat me to it, "Pardon me, but we've been standing here for the better part of a half hour, can you tell us what the delay is?" A woman came over and said the computers were down.
This would have sucked anyway, but what made it worse was that we had to catch a connecting flight in Zurich. We didn't have a ton of time to get the connection either, less than an hour, and if the airport in Zurich was anything like the one in Frankfurt, we'd have to make like Usain Bolt to make it.
Finally after an hour, we were able to check in, and the numb-nuts behind the counter said "You will not have to collect your bags in Zurich, they will go directly to London." I said, No not London, New York! Got it?" He said he did.
He didn't. More on that later.
They delayed the flight so we had a few minutes to grab a bite. That was a mistake. There was one place in our terminal serving food, and not anything decent either. But part of me was happy, I had finally discovered an airport in the world that was a bigger $h-thole than LaGuardia.
The best thing I can say about the flight to Zurich was that we got a nice piece of Swiss Chocolate on it.
AUGUST 23-ZURICH
I was hoping as we landed in Zurich that I would see the famous Swiss Alps, but no dice. It looked like any other area around an airport. Once we got into the airport, we had to go to customer service to see how they were going to get us home, as our connecting flight was long gone. They told us to go to Gate 13. Immediately.
To get to Gate 13, we needed to take an escalator, and elevator, a train (yes a train) another elevator, and another escalator to Gate 13.
BTW- Zurich Airport, as you might imagine was gorgeous. It looked like the fanciest shopping mall you could ever be in. The place was immaculate. It was an airport I wouldn't mind if we were stranded for a few hours.
But we didn't have that option.
They were putting us on a Delta flight to JFK. There were three or four clerks at the gate desk. One of the clerks said our bags weren't coming on this flight. ( I knew it! That f-cking putz in Palermo sent our luggage to London) We asked how come?
You are late. A woman behind the desk said with a scowl.
It's not our fault we said, and one of the men there said he understood. Then he told us that we weren't getting four seats together like we had paid for. Why not?
You are late. The woman behind the desk said with a scowl.
OK, if she tells me we are late one more time, her and I are going to fight. But I had a bigger issue on my hands, a couple of security guards were taking Joan behind a curtain for questioning.
That's when I lost it.
"OK someone here needs to tell me what the hell is going on." I demanded. Why is my mother in law being questioned?
The nice guy behind the counter told me that she was chosen at random, as per the TSA, to be interviewed. It could have been anyone of us and was quite routine.
Nothing was routine about this.
We finally were allowed to get on the plane and as we were making our way to the seats, we heard the pilot announce in English
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, we are picking up some passengers from Palermo, and as soon as we get them situated, we will begin preparing for takeoff."
At least I think that's what he said. This is what I heard.
"Ladies and gentlemen, you see these four a$$holes making their way to the back of the plane? Well they are the reason we are sitting here in Zurich. You can refer to them as the Palermo Four. Don't worry we told them three times at the gate they were late, and if it makes you feel any better, we had their luggage sent to London, so they'll have to turn their underwear inside-out when they get to New York."
The plane, needless to say, was packed. There were two seats together, so Timmy and I took those, they were the very last row of the plane on the pilot's side. Tara was a couple of rows ahead of us in the middle section, and poor Joan was closer to the front, co-pilot's side, with a bunch of kids throwing $hit at each other.
As the plane was finally taking off a little after 2 PM Zurich time, I set my watch for New York time. It was a little after 8 AM, right around the time I get to work on a Thursday. We were due to land at 4 PM, around the time I get ready to go home for the day. More to the point, I felt like I was adding 6 hours to a day that already felt like it had been going on forever.
There were some good things though...
The lady sitting next to Joan was from Franklin Square, and was very nice.
All of the flight attendants were really nice, but one gentleman was above and beyond. He gave Timmy all the ice cream and soda he wanted, and when the flight was over, told me Timmy was by far the best behaved kid on the flight. Which of course he was, but it was nice to hear.
The food on the flight was very good, at least I thought it was. And they kept it coming too.
The entertainment was solid, if not spectacular, but they had USB ports for phone charging, which was cool. I watched Patton with George C Scott, which was good if for nothing else the three hour plus flick ate up almost half the eight hour flight. I can't believe people actually sat in a movie theater in 1970 and watched that whole thing though. I'll spare you a review of a 48 year old movie, only to say that Karl Malden as Omar Bradley was fantastic (Malden will always be the American Express Travelers Checks man for me-Don't Leave Home without them). Also one of the major points in the movie was Patton planning an invasion of Palermo. I thought to myself I wished he'd invade Palermo again-or at least their dilapidated airport.
I read a really solid book after the movie called Greed and Glory: How Doc Gooden, Donald Trump, Lawrence Taylor, George Steinbrenner, Ed Koch, Rudy Giuliani and the Mafia Ruled New York in the 1980's.** Which killed a couple more hours. Then I enjoyed watching as we flew down the East Coast from Canada right into JFK.
AUGUST 23-NEW YORK CITY
We landed in NY about 4:30 or so, but we had to go put a claim in for our bags, which was a whole other adventure. First after having Joan questioned in Zurich, they flagged Timmy's passport at JFK. We had to go through a special window to get him cleared. Then we had to find the section of the airport to put the claim in, which took another 10-15 minutes. Then after waiting in line for 10 minutes, the lady at the counter said our bags weren't even in the computer. She knew they existed, but couldn't tell us where they were. My money was on London, but it could have been Zurich or they may have stayed in Italy for all we knew. The bottom line was our luggage got to spend a few extra days in Europe. I guess that beats the other way around.
And look, I realize that airlines feel they have the obligation to get you to your destination as close to the time you asked for as possible, but if they had offered us better seats on a later flight with our luggage travelling with us, we would have taken it. As I said, Zurich Airport was really nice, and we weren't in a huge rush to get home. Tara and I were flying to Hilton Head once, and the airline offered a deal, because they had overbooked the flight, they said if anyone was willing to wait and take the following flight, they'd either upgraded to first class, or given a $100 voucher. We were anxious to get to Hilton Head, so we passed, but we would have jumped at an offer like that here. Or if they offered to put us up in one of those fancy Swiss hotels and put us on a next day flight. I could have done with a day in Zurich.
But they didn't. They made us feel guilty for being late, as if we were the ones flying the damn plane, then squeezed us into an overbooked plane, separated from each other (we paid for seats together) and the real kicker, without our luggage!
We tried to get a Uber home from JFK, but none were available. Luckily All-Island taxi had just dropped somebody off and was heading back to Lynbrook, so they took us to Oceanside. It's strange when you come home after an international trip, everything feels weird, even the familiar. Part of it is the jet lag, I'm sure. I had gotten up at 4:45 AM in Cefalu which was 10:45 PM in NY. Now it was 7:00 PM in NY, which was 1 AM in Cefalu. About 20 straight hours on the move. On the way over, you're just so excited to get there you don't care. On the way home its different. Add to that all the crap we went through and it was just exhausting.
*******************EPILOGUE*************
AUGUST 28-OCEANSIDE, NY
My cell phone rang about 9:15 PM. The guy on the other line said he was about 5 minutes away from my mother in law's house. He was coming from Newark Airport and he had the last two pieces of luggage we were missing. (Our other bag had arrived earlier that day) We had been home for 5 full days and only now did our luggage finally make it home. I drove over to her house and there was a van pulling in, filled to the gills with luggage. The two guys were trying to match it up with their manifest, but of course I recognized the bag immediately. After convincing them they were mine, they let me have them. We never got a full explanation of how they got separated or where in the world they ended up. But thankfully we had everything now.
Our vacation was officially over.
Folks, after everything that happened this summer, I really hope I don't come off as an spoiled obnoxious a$$hole bitching about a vacation that really was amazing. Don't get me wrong, Swiss Air screwed the proverbial pooch on this one, and my mother in law is determined to take this all the way to Brett Kavanaugh and the rest of the Supreme Court if that's what it takes to get some satisfaction. But I have to admit, I was laughing at myself while I was writing some of this, so I hope you did too.
*See also-Germany.
**I have a bunch of books I have to review with y'all. This will be the first one.
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Weekly Mail in Europe Part Two: 2 Days in Cefalu
TUESDAY AUGUST 21, CEFALU
My sister in law Kerry is awesome.
Not only did she find this beautiful villa we were staying at, she also managed to get them to provide concierge service and a taxi service with a dispatcher and driver who spoke passable English. Angelo was the concierge/host who brought us breakfast Sunday morning. He also was the one who took the ladies on the walking tour.
Salvatore was the poor guy who drove us to and from town every day. Unlike the bald dude who drove us from the hotel to the villa on Saturday, Salvatore was friendly and chatty. He was also a tad crazy.
For example, we decided once again to attempt to get that good old fashioned Italian haircut. We asked Salvatore, who proceeded to drive up to a barber shop, jump out of the car, run in (car still running in the middle of a narrow street BTW) and ask the guy to give Timmy and I cuts. The barber wrote 1245 on a piece of paper. It was about 11:30, so we said sure and went for a walk.
We headed back to Carlo's Barber Shop at 12:45. There were two guys there cutting hair. One guy had a moptop and the other had a nice short hair style. So when I got the guy with the short hair as my barber I typed into Google Translate "Can you cut my hair to look like yours?" Si Si Si! he responded.
Tara and Joan sat and watched as he gave me a wash a cut, another wash and another cut. All I could hear them saying was
"He's an artiste."
"I wonder if he'd do our hair?"
"Maybe he'd come to NY"
He asked us where we were from and seemed genuinely excited when we said New York City. (though not enough to say he'd come and visit.) He also said he didn't do ladies hair. But my wife and mother in law was so impressed by the job he did, they didn't bother giving him any instructions for Timmy's hair. "Just let him do his thing" Joan said. "You don't mess with a good thing."
Both our cuts came to 63 Euro, which is a bit more than we usually pay, but I usually don't get two washes and a shave, so it was worth it. It felt great, and if I didn't look like a stud, I felt like one.
We went next door for lunch and I let the waiter choose what I ordered. I mean you couldn't really go wrong. Needless to say it was delicious. Timmy ordered a chesseburger, which reminded me of the time I took the poor thing to Langan's and he ordered a pizza. But in fairness to him, the burger was really tasty too.
When we went back outside after lunch, we noticed a lot of the places were closed, including Carlo's barber shop. It was siesta time in Sicily. More than one sign read Hours 9AM-1PM and 4PM-9PM. Can you imagine getting a 3 hour lunch break? Shoot at my job, they just increased our to an hour from 45 minutes.
Tuesday was a very relaxing day, the first day I felt really good and could also really explore the city.
Sunday I was still wiped out and Monday was the wedding. The cut and shave felt great, lunch was off the charts, the weather was perfect (a tad overcast so the sun wasn't beating down on you) and no time constraints. Really a perfect day.
Back at the house I started flipping around on the TV, which was pretty useless being that the majority of the stations were in Italian, but I did find some English speaking news channels. Al-Jazeera, interestingly enough was one of them, the BBC was another. Then there was TRT, which was all over the Paul Manafort guilty verdict. So that was the station I stuck with. They also spent a ton of time talking about Trump's feud with Turkish President Erdogan. I thought that was kind of odd, I mean I hadn't heard much about any issues between Captain Orange and the Turks. It was pretty far down on the list of folks he's pissed off, (CNN and the NFL were at the top). Turns out this TRT was an Istanbul based English speaking news network. There was only so much news out of Turkey I was interested in, but like I said, they had good coverage of the verdict in the Manafort trial, so that's what I went with.
Back at the turn of the century, I took trips with the Ace three years in a row. In 1999, we went to Baltimore, Philly and Atlantic City, catching the Orioles, Phillies and some gambling. The next year we went to Toronto to see the Jays and the Hockey Hall of Fame. In 2001, we went to New Orleans, which was notable for the amount of boozing we did and the George Carlin airplane jokes we were cracking while waiting to board the plane (get on the plane, get on the plane, f-ck you I'm getting IN the plane) Jokes that a month later would have landed us at Guantanamo Bay.
New Orleans we pretty much drank the whole time, but the other two trips, Monday was our designated drinking day. In Philadelphia, we convinced the bartender to keep the bar open till 3 instead of 2 when he was supposed to close. (I haven't had this good a time on Monday night ever he told us) In Toronto, we ended up getting faced, and when we woke up the next morning, we had a table full of Chinese food we bought and never ate.
Since I didn't drink much at the wedding, I designated Tuesday as my drinking night. The beer selection in Sicily wasn't enticing, so I ended up drinking red wine. It did the trick, it mellowed me out and made me feel like I was on vacation.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 22-CEFALU
Time to go back to the beach.
This time, I was determined to be Super Uncle to Connor and Finley as well as Super Dad to Tim. Tim had been saving money all summer and decided to treat us dudes to a paddle boat.
Again, the Tyrrhenian Sea didn't really have waves or rip currents, so you could rent a paddle boat and go 300 yards out and still be safe. Brian is an Annapolis graduate and it was a good thing too because I had the bright idea to let Timmy and Connor paddle while Brian and I sat in the back relaxing. But of course that would have led to the paddle boat making like the Titanic, so Tim and I paddled out.
Then we took turns diving into the water. Absolutely brilliant.
We paddled back in and hung out on the beach for a while. And here is what I will take away from the beaches of Sicily.
There weren't any swimsuit models here, (not that I was looking mind you)
There were however, a bunch of old guys wearing Speedos. I've been around a long time and I still have never heard any woman say "Hey, that guy looks great in a Speedo." I wouldn't be caught dead in one to be honest with you.
Another issue was that there was a ton of smoking going on. I forgot with all the anti-smoking laws in NY how much people smoke in the world. It really was like a giant ashtray. I hadn't second hand smoked that much since Shelley's closed down.
The other thing was, the beach wasn't that big. It was nice, don't get me wrong, but small. And they squeezed a whole bunch of folks on there.
We went for a walk after the paddle boat. Kerry found a nice outdoor restaurant about a 1/4 mile away from where we were sitting on the beach. They had a Peppa Pig Pizza, which the kids loved. This was the good stuff folks, Sicilian pizza in Sicily. This was living.
The waitress was awesome too. I have to say, the people here in Sicily could not have been nicer, and if you told them you were from NY, they didn't look at you like you were working for al-Qaeda. This waitress got really excited and she even posed for a few pics with the kids.
At the end of the block where this place was, there was a rock formation that over looked the beach. Check this out.
We went back for another swim at the beach. Then we headed back to the villa. We were about to have the best dinner ever.
Angelo brought two cooks with him and the three of them prepared a dinner for the ages for us.
Bruschetta with sardines, eggplant (by far the best I ever tasted) and for dinner a seafood pasta. Followed by a homemade cake for dessert.
Sicilian cuisine is very interesting. It's light on beef and heavy on seafood. Ed (Auggie) DePuy once told me he never orders seafood unless he can see the water from the restaurant, well as you can see from my photos, there's pretty much water everywhere.
This was out last full day in Sicily. We'd be leaving first thing in the morning.
It would be literally and figuratively the longest day.
Next: The Voyage Home:
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Weekly Mail in Europe Part One
Back in February, we were invited to a wedding in Italy. A close friend of Tara's family was getting married. I travel internationally about as often as Hailey's Comet comes around, so I wasn't sure this was going to happen. But we somehow pulled it off so without further ado, here is how it all went down....
CAST OF CHARACTERS
ME: The Narrator
TARA AND TIMMY: My Wife and Son respectively (Though you all knew that)
JOAN-Tara's Mom
KERRY AND MEGAN-Tara's sisters
BRIAN-Kerry's husband
CONNOR AND FINLEY- Kerry and Brian's kids
KATIE-The bride
ANTONIO-The groom
PATTY-Katie's Mom
FRIDAY AUGUST 17- New York City
It was 20 years earlier to the day, August 17, 1998, that I last traveled across the Atlantic. That was the night that Bill Clinton came on TV and tried to explain that he didn't consider the hummer he got from Monica Lewinsky to constitute sex. I wondered as I got on the plane that night if I'd be able to read about what he said when I got to Ireland.
Would I? It was the front page of the Irish Times, you couldn't miss it.
And now, as I was embarking on my trip to Italy, I wondered how I was going to explain Captain Orange to my new Italian friends. Hopefully, it wouldn't come up much. Just getting away from all the bullshit in Washington was enough to make me eager to take this trip.
We got to JFK 3 and a half hours early, and checking in was a snap, so we went and had an overpriced lunch at the airport grille. Tara and Joan stayed at the Grille while Tim and I walked about the airport. I've said it before and I'll say it again, for as awesome as NYC is, we have the crappiest airports. JFK is only slightly better than LaGuardia. But at least JFK is trying, for example
Was it the best dump you ever took? Press a button and let them know. Hey can't fault them for trying.
Boarding the plane was a snap, considering how many people were getting on. There had to be 500 people getting on this flight. I didn't think there would be any way the plane would leave on time, but sure enough we were pulling out of the gate a few minutes past 4 PM EST.
I watched two movies on the flight. Light hearted fare.....
FLIGHT MOVIE REVIEW- Chappaquiddick
Starring: Jason Clarke, Kate Mara, Ed Helms
Ted Kennedy. Great senator, lousy date
- Denis Leary
The last movie I saw Ed Helms in where he and a bunch of his pals got wasted the night before and got in trouble was The Hangover. That was a comedy.
This was a true story.
Quick history lesson- In July 1969, Ted Kennedy had a party for former staffers of his late brother Bobby's 1968 campaign. At some point in the night, Teddy drove off with one of the staffers, a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechnie, and ended up driving off a bridge into a pond. Kennedy was able to swim to safety, but Kopechnie was unable to get out of the car. Her body was found the next day.
The movie takes us through the next few days, the spin doctors trying to figure out what to do, Kennedy's cousin Joe Gargan, (Helms) pleading with his cousin to own up to it and resign from the Senate. The Kennedy family patriarch, Joe, debiliated by a stroke and facing his last days, urging his youngest son to provide an alibi. All up against the back drop of the moon landing.
A horrible story. A well done movie
4 aces.
FLIGHT MOVIE REVIEW II-The Post
Starring Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks.
I thought I'd enjoy this movie more, being that I love newspapers, and was quite bummed I wouldn't get to read one in Italy being that I don't understand Italian. I love Tom Hanks, but I wasn't buying him as Ben Bradlee. (Jason Robards? All The President's Men? THAT was Ben Bradlee)
The movie dealt with the Washington Post's decision whether or not to publish what they had on the Pentagon Papers. Maybe my brain couldn't deal with a second historical drama, maybe I just wanted to get to my destination already. Streep and Hanks in a movie is like having Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays in the same lineup. I'll have to give this another watch one of these days.
3 aces.
Food on the flight wasn't bad. Service pretty good.
SATURDAY AUGUST 18-
FRANKFURT- The Eagle has landed. Phase one of our trip complete.
We landed in Germany and it felt like we had to walk three miles to the next gate. But we made it and are now awaiting our flight to Palermo.
I swear, we went on about 3 or 4 of those moving walkways (which always reminds me of the Jetsons-Jaaaaane!) Down one elevator, up another one, through customs, another elevator. Holy $h-t! It was quite a workout.
When we got to the gate, Joan went to ask the check in lady a question, and she shook her head and pointed to the seats. I understand why my mother in law was pissed, but I tried to explain that our bodies were saying it was midnight and that's when we get ready to party! In Germany, it was 6 AM on a Saturday morning and this poor thing was just starting her shift.
And when they announcement came that families with small children could board, the nasty check in lady asked if Timmy was with us, and allowed us to board early. What a sweetheart! I told Tim I knew there was a reason we brought him along
Of course it wasn't the plane we were getting on, but a bus to take us to the plane. I've been on shorter bus rides on the Q53. My gawd Frankfurt Airport is spread out! But hey at least we got to breathe in the German air. It smelled like jet fuel.
SATURDAY AUGUST 18-
PALERMO, SICILY- The eagle has landed part 2, we made it!
The plane ride from Frankfurt to Palermo was more cramped than the first one, but we are here. Now, its a 2 hour car ride to Cefalu.
It's a bright hot day here. Maybe there is no humidity in Cefalu, but there is plenty here. I'm ready to take a dip in the pool.
Actually the hardest part of the trip from Palermo to Cefalu was getting out of Palermo Airport's parking lot. For some reason our driver couldn't get out, and the air conditioning wasn't exactly kicking while he was trying to figure it out.
He did eventually and once we got on the road, it was smooth sailing. As we were driving on the highway, I was watching the other cars wiz by. I know it sounds stupid, but again I very rarely leave the US, so I just got a kick out of watching the folks in Italy doing their thing. Probably just doing their Saturday routines, heading to the store, to a game, to the beach. It takes you a few minutes to realize you are in another country, not another planet.
We couldn't check into our villa till 3 PM, so we had some time to kill. Fortunately, Kerry, Brian and Megan, Connor and Finley, were staying at a hotel right near the beach. It was great to see everyone.
At the hotel, I got to take a dip in the Tyrrhenian Sea. It's a part of the Mediterranean Sea.
There were parts of it that were warm and other parts that were chilly. In Rockaway, when you had that phenomenon, it usually meant one of us used the Atlantic for a urinal, but not so here (at least I hope not)
As I was swimming with Timmy, Connor and Megs, I kept looking around in disbelief that I was here. All sorts of emotions running through me. Happy to be here, loving the time Tara and Timmy. Bonding with Joan, Connor and Finley. Goofing off with Kerry, Megan and Brian.
But also missing my family back home.
Missing Becky.
All this went through my mind as I was floating in that water. I just thanked God we got there safe. It was time to head to our villa.
As we were getting into the cab that would take us to where we were staying, the cab driver who looked like Yule Brenner looked at me and said probably the only word he knew in English,
Difficult!
At first I felt sorry for him, because the street where the hotel was on was really narrow. But then I realized all the streets in Cefalu were like that and you couldn't survive as a cabbie if you couldn't drive on narrow streets.
Then we started driving up a mountain.
and up
and up
and up.
I said to Tara and Joan "At least they won't find our bodies" but then I saw our villa.
Wow!
Two stories, two patios, each with a magnificent view. For Timmy and Connor, a basketball hoop and a foozball table in the front yard. A huge couch.
It was amazing.
The girls took a ride into town, I stayed at the house with Brian and the kids.
SUNDAY AUGUST 19-CEFALU
I slept like a rock, which made sense being that I had been up the last 24 hours or so, but I guess it wasn't enough, even getting up at 11 AM, which I hadn't done since before Timmy was born. And then for breakfast, I had what amounted to a pizza bagel. Although our host, Angelo, told me that it was a bit gentler than having pizza for breakfast, it was essentially tomato sauce and cheese on bread.
A pizza bagel.
Which is probably why when I got into town with the family, I wasn't feeling so hot. Actually hot was exactly what I was feeling. Hot and sweaty. I asked Timmy and Connor if they wanted to go to the beach, just so I could cool off.
Thankfully, Brian took the boys in the water while I pulled myself together on a beach chair. Thankfully I started to get better and after some gelato, we headed back to the villa to get ready for the rehearsal dinner.
After we showered up and got dressed, we cabbed it to Cefalu train station for the bus ride to the rehearsal dinner.
The rehearsal dinner was in Tusa. It was all set up on an outside terrace. Our cab driver had told us that it didn't rain much in Sicily, "maybe 10 minutes, then it stop" he said. I thought about that as I stood out watching the clouds roll in.
It never rains in California, but girl don't they warn ya? It pours, man it pours-Albert Hammond
I got to meet Antonio and his family. His dad was awesome, about a foot shorter than me. "Welcome welcome he said then gave me a double peck on the cheek! Antonio was horrified "No father! he yelled.. "In America.... and then I'm assuming he explained in Italian that we dudes don't usually greet each other that way. But I didn't care. "I'm in his country now, if that's how it's done, so be it. I said. Besides, if he's paying for dinner, he can do whatever he wants to me." fortunately, only Brian heard that last part, so we had a good laugh.
The rain started and it kept going so the party moved inside. When the thunder clapped it was loud, and the lightning was super bright. I figured it was because we were up in the mountains.
The food was really good as you might expect. Apps, pasta, dinner, and dessert. I didn't eat as much as I normally would because I was still a bit under the weather, but I drank like a gallon of water at this thing, and by the time it was over, I felt like a new man.
And at the end, Antonio's father got up and gave a speech mostly in Italian, except at the end when he shouted "I am for team U.S.A!"
God, I love that guy. I could just kiss him!
MONDAY AUGUST 20-CEFALU and TUSA, ITALY
One of the things I promised myself when I got to Italy was that I was going to get myself a haircut and a shave. How often we look for a good Italian barber in NY, what better place to find one than in Italy?
But of course it was Monday, the international day off for barbers. So I was off to this wedding shaggy style.
Everyone else looked smashing, all the ladies, and the kids. Once again we cabbed in to Cefalu train station and boarded the party bus.
The bus ride to the church was cool. Well, let me edit that, the bus ride to the base of the mountain where the church was located was cool.
Then we got to the mountain. And we started going up.
and up
and up
and up
and up
I didn't think it was possible to have a church on a mountain this high up. But there was a whole town when we finally stopped climbing. Well, again that's a bit misleading. The bus let us off, but we still had some climbing to do... on foot.
As we were climbing up this hill, Antonio and his family drove by honking their horns. The whole town cheered as they drove by. That was awesome.
Now to describe the church? Old.
I mean it was nice, but I guess my expectation was that an old church in Italy would have take your breath away artwork. And maybe it did? Maybe I just didn't appreciate it. Maybe I was more annoyed that the kneelers had no padding, and the pews were too close together, and where the hell was the priest?
Yeah you read that right, the priest was late. Usually it's the other way around right?
The Mass, interestingly enough being that we were in Italy was almost entirely in Italian. The only exception being the second reading, brilliantly read by Kerry. The priest's sermon might have been the greatest speech since the Gettysburg Address but I couldn't tell you because I couldn't understand word one of it. What I can tell you was that it was long.
The whole Mass took two hours and even I cried uncle at the end. I took Timmy out for potato chips and soda.
Then it was back on the bus to the castle for the reception. The most amazing thing about these bus drivers is that they are able to make the perfect turns and maneuvers on the narrowest of roads. I couldn't make those sharp turns in a Ford Focus, never mind a 100 passenger bus. But these guys did it, God love 'em.
The reception at the castle was a blast. The band they had was awesome. They did songs in Italian and English. They did Kate and Antonio's wedding song, Perfect by Ed Sheehan, both in English and Italian. It's not a song on my playlist, but it really is the ultimate wedding song. And the band played in perfectly.
The grounds where the reception was held were magnificent, right on the water. But back where the band was because of the crowd it was very warm. Finley and I danced to a song we always sing together, Can't Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake. (I always sing Got this Feeling in my...... and she finishes by yelling BODY!) Needless to say I was a sweatbox after that, so I went to the bathroom and started tossing water on my face. When I looked in the mirror, there were two dudes behind me, and one of them said "AH mucho caldor!" I said to him, "If that means very warm, than si', mucho caldor" We all got a kick out of that.
The party went well past midnight and concluded with a really nice dessert selection, gelato, pastry etc. We got back on the bus and headed back to our villa. A fun time had by all.
Next Week: Two days in Cefalu.